For me the real problem in recovery from the N's in my life was that I didn't realize I was an addict. This is not like going out and drinking or doing drugs, or even smoking cigarettes. The addiction is a mental one, and the origins of it are almost always in our childhood. So you have a whole lifetime to review -- and that takes time!
I had started therapy for me in my 20's, because I knew instinctively that my family of origin issues were causing me to make decisions and live in a way that was not healthy for me. I did not realize for several years that the patterns I had been taught culturally and by my family in particular were those of a codependent/enabler. I was taught that was what a "good" woman did for her family, and men's agenda was definately more important than women's agenda. If you listen to the lyrics of country music and sad love songs, you will hear the themes of codependent behavior. It is almost like we hypnotize ourselves and use the music as a mantra to keep ourselves in this mental prison where WE are responsible for other people's actions. That pretty much makes us putty in the hands of an N.
So, if you want my advise, stop trying to figure out what is wrong with the N. The shortcut bottom line is he is disordered, there is no cure, and nothing you did or can do will ever make any difference. Concentrate on your own recovery, figure out where your basic training went wrong, and where you acquired the "habit(s)" that are killing you. Construct your own rehab program, develop patience because it will not happen over night. Every one is different, it takes as long as it takes. But be good to yourself, set boundaries and stick with them. If you screw up, don't give up. This forum is great because you will soon see you are not alone, and the support here is wonderful. To paraphrase a famous Hunter saying -- We are all the other woman, and we are all addicts. We get it, and we help each other to get over it.

Hi Rising Dawn & indenial,

There IS an easy way to search for topics on Lisa's forum.

I use GOOGLE and say I wanted to look-up the topic of "addictions". Try searching like this:

lisaescott.com forum: addictions

It works like a charm...

p.s. You can also search phrases, whole sentences and even a forum member's name- that's helpful if you want to read more topics from a particular member!

There were several posts about addictions over the last couple of months (I am relatively new here, and I remember reading them, so they were within the last 2 months).

I wish there is an easy way to find them, but if you go through the old posts, you might be able to find the word "addiction" with a screen search (ctrl+F) and find the posts that way.

Good luck!