I WILL find a way to DO something about it.

I will. Passion and compassion are powerful drivers for me.

I've been down this road and fought for justice before...it's not easy but it's possible.

I'm already standing up and saying that this is not ok in my area.I'm working on an awareness program and legal advocating.

He took away my voice for a very long time. I have it back.
I'm going to find a way to get louder.

We should talk.

EXCELLENT IDEA!

I am sorry for your pain. I was thinking recently about all the pain here, felt by us all. So similar. And we are all so different, but our pain unites us, sort of.

It's a deep, soul pain. My soul was what needed healing. And same for you.

My 'one good reason' for you to not pursue anything against him is this...will it heal you? Will it end your torment?

I liken it to imagining a loved one being murdered. Will the murderer being executed...bring me peace? Will it bring my loved one back? Will it heal my soul? Will it erase what happened?

No.

Likewise, if you seek to pursue some type of 'justice' against what this man did to you (of course, what they have done to us should be against the law, frankly) I ask...

will you be healed?
will you feel peace?

I think you know the answer.

That's my one good reason, to not bother.

Your desire to make him pay for what he's done, is a natural byproduct. But, take that pain, and work it through. For if you are still concerned with what he's doing with another woman...I submit to you, that what you seek, you will not find...doing it THIS way.

It's sometimes easier to shine the light on the narc, instead of ourselves. He's long gone. It's you now, that you need to shine the light on, and figure out what's really at heart here.

((hugs)) I know, this isn't easy.

Janie53...thank you for your thoughts and comments. I too have taken a serious look inside and dealt with past issues, (an emotionally unavailable mother, etc.). I feel that each of us has to look at ourselves if we are to truly heal from this mess. You've come a long way yourself and I am glad you are in a good place.

Portia...thank you for your advice and please know I never had nor will I ever have thoughts or intentions of doing anything illegal. I want to do SOMETHING to let people know that the behavior of narcissist is NOT OK. thats all.

Maui3375...yes, wouldn't it be great if someone with the name recognition and following such as Oprah would expose narcissist and let the world know these disordered people need to be held accountable. Also, more awareness about narcissism to teach people what to look for BEFORE they get hurt by these freaks.

Onwithmylife....I have already done plenty of "positive" things to bring awareness, to help those who are victims find comfort and understanding. I dedicated an artshow to this site, Lisa and the Path Forward and to my local Domestic Abuse Shelter...using my art to draw people in and handing out information in hopes someone would heal by leading them here. Lisa is an EXCELLENT educator about the effects of narcissism and how we should all heal, move forward. I want to focus on shutting these narcs down!

Obviously my focus, my desire to have these narcissist to be held accountable for their actions is just something that no one truly cares to tackle. So I am faced, once again with a big slice of "bullshit" pie. Just chew it fast, swallow it down, and move on. I don't mean to appear negative. I am just passing through another storm.

When I was a small child...i was molested by my neighbor.
My mother called the law, a deputy showed up, he told her not to pursue justice because he (the violator) was a grown man and I was a little girl...no one would believe me. My mother did nothing. This was the first time I was told "you are worthless, little girl"

After that, my grandfather molested me...boys walking in the halls at school would grab girls between their legs, including me...and my stepfather molested me. All of these people got away without so much as a bandaid...I HAVE BEEN SCARRED FOREVER. No one did anything, no one stood up for me. Therefore, I was "told" or shown by there actions..."you are worthless little girl" and all of these wrong doers got away with it.

I was a child...I couldn't defend myself.
These people WERE WRONG...all of them...no one will ever say anything to me to convince me otherwise.

NOW, I am a grown woman. I have been abused by someone and it is up to me to stand up and say this is WRONG!
I know my part in the relationship and why I allowed myself to be in this situation and not get out sooner.
I have been through all the work, forgiveness, etc. and truly know that I AM A WORTHY PERSON.

It doesn't make it right that these narcs get's to hurt people. And everyone keeps telling me...just let it go.
Enjoy your "bullshit" pie, be happy, and move on.

Thank you all for listening...sorry to be such a downer.
I will take in all you have said, process it, PRAY and PRAY some more...relax a little and just let the Lord guide me, use me how he sees fit.

hugs to you all
-fefe

Fefe-

You post reveals a multitude of feelings I think many of us have experienced.  You are so right, the damage we have incurred only because we "loved" someone is truly unfair. We are guilty of only  doing something pure and genuine; love. But unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world; a world that has many injustices and tragedies. Poverty, cancer, natural disasters and crime to name a few. Life at times is certainly not fair. 

 I think each of us here need to decide for ourselves where we want our journey  to take us. For me, I needed to forgive myself for compromising my own integrity and everything that was important to me.  As I have mentioned before, once I discovered I was with a psychopath, no contact was both easy to initiate and follow. The difficulty that laid before me was much harder to conquer and that was myself. I needed justice for myself. 

I truly believed  I ruined my life and that happiness was something I would never feel again. I was burdened 24/7 with obsessive thoughts about both failing myself and how the world was  polluted with poisonous people. I was scared and fell into a deep depression, some days not able to get out of bed.  My world, as I knew it would never be the same. I went through the motions of life, but I was completely deaf to the music that was always playing in my home.

But something kept me going and after a lot of hard work I learned why I accepted the hand of a psychopath. It wasn't about him at all. It was all about me. I discovered things about myself and my  past that actually freed me and brought me to the happiest place I have ever been. Once I made the shift to myself, I had the closure I needed to forgive myself. 

I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and this cruel and insidious disorder. So in moving forward I feel the need to do all I can to help others, both on the forum and in my personal life. I want to educate and supports others about narcissism with hopes that they will learn, like I did, to be true to themselves. This for me is justice.

I hope this helps you understand me and my journey  Fefe. You have come so far, you should be proud of yourself. I know you will find the answers you are looking for and the world will once again be a brighter place.

Stay true to you Fefe
Lots of love,

Janie

Here is the only reason I can give you. You are sane, you are human, and he is not. You do not want to do something illegal, and unfortunately most of the crimes these guys commit are not technically illegal. For instance, if you give an intimate picture of yourself to the buffoon, and he shows it to twenty of his fellow N's, or posts it on the internet, what can you do? You willingly gave him the picture. If you gave him money, or a credit card, you are an adult, and you are supposed to know what you are doing. If you let him live with you and not work, that was your choice. It doesn't matter what he told you, that's hear say. If he cheated on you, he's a jerk, but again, not against the law. So, do you see? If you try to warn OW about him, they will think you are crazy. His family may already know something is wrong, but they DO NOT want to know what. We understand on this forum because we have been there, but other people who have not experienced it just think we are foolish women, maybe addicted to love, and we need to deal with our own addiction. Also, put it in context -- the man is seriously mentally disordered. If he was "listening to voices in his head" and telling you space invaders were coming, would you expect "someone" to punish this guy because you believed him and spent time and money preparing for the space invaders?
Seriously, I think we all want justice and vengeance, because we have been done a great personal wrong. We wanted love, and offered love, and instead we were robbed by a Time Bandit and all our good efforts were stolen away. We were not only unappreciated, we were discarded and devalued. The only thing we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, put on a good face, and live our lives as well as possible. Just inagine a box inside your head, put him in it, and nail the box shut. He is dead to you, and you live on. Live well. Good luck!

I too have thought about how to get the word out about these sick people. It seems so unfair that these disordered people walk the earth and year after year they destroy one life after another. I wish I had been educated about Narcissism when I met him. The red flags would have been right in front of my face for sure and I would have been saved from all this mental abuse. But knowing what I do know (even if it was a hard lesson,) I will not fall victim to these mind games ever again!! So we just have to look at it as a lesson and try to educate as many people as we can. I wish that someone would do a documentary on the phycopaths that would help educate a lot of people in a short time. Maybe Oprah could do a show on the subject. Wouldn't that be great!! Bless you and stay strong!!

Totally over it although in the midst of an awful bitter and nasty custody battle/divorce.....wheels already turning....by the Grace of GOD I'm at peace with it all but yet I have a strong desire to aid in what Lisa and all the miss are doing here....so u let me know when you want to get that locomotive running....I'm ready and willing. I have forgiven my N (selfconciously) because God granted me another day. However, I couldn't agree with you more.....