Deidree99

Deidree99
Posted July 12, 2012 - 10:57pm
2

You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by the rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it? The same with people…Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.

C.S. Lewis

‹ So depressed AGAIN Mr. Number ›
janemarie's picture

Deidre99

July 13, 2012 - 10:13am — janemarie

I pm'd you!!!

maui3375's picture

Wow nice post NLB

July 12, 2012 - 11:42pm — maui3375

Thank You NLB for making me think outside the box.. Great post..

Deidre99's picture

You are so dear, NLB! <3

July 12, 2012 - 11:11pm — Deidre99

You are so dear, NLB! <3

neverlookback's picture

Deidre99

July 13, 2012 - 8:31pm — neverlookback

I was researching some of CS Lewis' books - He was quite the philosopher - I particularly like this quote from "The Great Divorce"

"I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right
road. A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point,
never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it can not develp into good. Time does not heal it. The spell must
be unwound, bit by bit with backward mutters of disserving power, or else not. It is still either-or. If we insist on keeping Hell (or even Earth) we shall not see Heaven: if we accept Heaven we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate sourvenirs of Hell" CS Lewis "The Great Divorce"

Its interesting this brilliant writer has such an accurate and profound philosophy of life and I bet he never fell victim to a psychopath; yet he has such wisdom!!! He states you must go back to find the error and work from that point rather than just moving on. I think this works in all the wrong choices we make when we choose the wrong path and/or road - to go back to the point of origin in where the wrong decision was made.

I have heard of this writer but never read his books - Deidre, is there a particular book that you would recommend of his works?

Deidre99's picture

hey girlie; 'mere

July 13, 2012 - 9:38pm — Deidre99

hey girlie;

'mere christianity' and 'the screwtape letters' are my two favorites.

he was an atheist and came to be a christian, and he writes everything pretty much from that slant. nothing short of brilliant writing.

brilliant writing = having to read the same sentence a few times before grasping it. ;)

enjoy! :)

neverlookback's picture

Thanks

July 13, 2012 - 9:58pm — neverlookback

I will give them a try at barnes and noble - I think this reading will be interesting - sure as hell beats reading about psychopaths all the time - I AM DONE with that - must move on to other productive things -

Deidre99's picture

hey, do you own a kindle

July 13, 2012 - 10:15pm — Deidre99

hey, do you own a kindle fire? if not...you muuuust buy one. i never thought i'd like these, but it's awesome. i do still like walking through the brick & mortar stores, but this has really cool features to aid in your book hunting.

if you don't yet own one, i highly recommend. :)

oh, and the screwtape letters is very good on cd.

and yes, reading about psychopaths can get a bit trying after a while. perhaps, we all could compile a book at this point, together! hehe :=P

hope you had a nice week.

neverlookback's picture

NO

July 13, 2012 - 10:39pm — neverlookback

i dont have a kindle, wish I did - my daughter loves hers - I like the quote from Four Loves, sort of inspired me to write another post - that light bulb moment lol to love or not to love = that is the choice we have - I am too tired to think anymore tonight, working too many hours 13 hour days - maybe before I die I will write a book on the 101 uses for a toaster oven for a psychopath - ha ha - talk to you soon - I work all weekend but its nice to get days off during the week - have a great weekend x0

Deidre99's picture

and your dedication page will

July 13, 2012 - 10:45pm — Deidre99

and your dedication page will read:

~to every asshole who made me feel like a toaster oven~

perfect! hehe

people would be like...whaaaaa?? lol

aw, you work all weekend. well, i'll be thinkin of ya. i need a vacation, come to think of it. :(

hugs!!

it's good to laugh about all this, sometimes. for the longest time, my smile was broken.

Jenna H's picture

C.S. Lewis quote

July 12, 2012 - 11:07pm — Jenna H

Good stuff NLB. Here's another .... hmmm. Let's not let these narcs rub off on us and become like them - impenetrable.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

-C.S. Lewis

neverlookback's picture

TO LOVE IS TO BE VULNERABLE

July 13, 2012 - 10:04pm — neverlookback

that is the position our paths wanted us to be in - to love so they could exploit our vulnerabilities - and what better way to put us in such a position but to evoke our love -

I feel like I have locked up my vulnerabilities in a coffin because it is safer that way -

Deidre99's picture

I appreciate you posting

July 12, 2012 - 11:14pm — Deidre99

I appreciate you posting this, because wow. I don't want to become like that. From my narc experience(s) ...perhaps, I have started to guard my heart a bit too much.

Thank you so much, Jenna.

What a great reminder for us all.

Froglegs's picture

Vulnerability

July 13, 2012 - 8:59am — Froglegs

Vulnerability is something discussed in depth with my therapist. That is my biggest fear of getting into another relationship, but I'm slowly getting over that.

I've since realized that is what setting boundaries are for, as well as having the courage and conviction to walk away from someone when red flags pop up. Folks like us give others waaaaaay too many chances and let ourselves get emotionally attached too quickly. That has to stop or the cycle will never be broken.

My therapist stressed to use dating as a discovery tool, not necessarily a means to an end (i.e. marriage) or else we set ourselves up for failure by jumping ahead of ourselves (ignoring red flags, letting others overstep our boundaries, making excuses).

Deidre99's picture

That's a great way of viewing

July 13, 2012 - 9:21am — Deidre99

That's a great way of viewing it, froglegs.

Honestly ....I was married before, (not to a narc) and I have two wonderful kids. I have no desire whatsoever to ever marry again. Not because of the narc experiences I've had, but I just don't see the point of it.

I don't believe in serial dating either. But, the thought of marriage does not interest me whatsoever. I think there is this silly myth floating about in the world that all women are pressuring men to pop the question. Oh please. No, we're not.

Froglegs's picture

Oh, marriage was just an

July 13, 2012 - 10:58am — Froglegs

Oh, marriage was just an example.

What I mean is, I think it's safe to say that for many of us here, as soon as we started dating or hooking up with these scumbags, we immediately envisioned either getting married eventually, or moving in with the person eventually, or having that person in our lives for years to come.

We got caught up in our own version of how the story "should have" played out instead of paying attention to what was really going on.

That's what dating/seeing someone is for, to weed out scumbags and normal folks that do not share compatible values/beliefs from the get-go.

So many of us here made ourselves TOO vulnerable right from the start and did not have many boundaries. I mean, we all have to be a little vulnerable in order to put ourselves out there as "available", but as we've discovered, it's not good to be wide open so soon.

Deidre99's picture

I wholeheartedly agree,

July 13, 2012 - 11:13am — Deidre99

I wholeheartedly agree, Froglegs.

When we heal, we should become naturally less vulnerable. By healing, I mean from our childhood upsets, etc that caused us to be vulnerable to predators and narcs to begin with.

They are like the snake oil salesmen/women. They tell us what we wanted to hear. But, I need to tell my own self what I want to hear, and find my own worth through me.

Good thoughts today froglegs! :)