Jazz & wine & stars? Would you be my date tonite? LOL. I hope u r feeling better today. Thank you for sharing. I'm 6 mos. out & I also have moments like u r having. Your honesty makes me feel not so alone. You are a baby D...41? I'm 54 & back to being single.

This is most likely a r/b r/s. Too soon. Actually I was thinking she sounds like a beatch. I remember a post from Lisa suggesting we "Feng Shui" (sp) our friends. I thought about some of my friends who are unhealthy for me & I keep my distance now.

At therapy yesterday, we discussed bringing things into my life by thinking of them. So now I have a new change a comin. I stopped saying there are no good men left, no good marriages. Now I am to think "God...allow me to be naked in a love r/s....help me to see a man who will cherish me". Hey, it's worth a shot.

As an aside...
I think what also was bugging me, is that so many women out there, STILL...in this day and age, when women can be and do anything they put their minds to...think that getting married to some dude, is this huge accomplishment.

Marriage is a sacred and beautiful thing, with the right person...don't get me wrong.

It's not an accomplishment, though. And so many women...look at the tv shows out there...'basketball wives,' 'hollywood exes,' etc...all these shows depict women whose pretty much only accomplishment, was bedding down and marrying some rich athlete or rich actor. I mean, is that all you're seeking in your life?

And it just seems like even in everyday humdrum suburbia, the mentality is the same. Like you are only as good as who you are marrying or something, if that makes sense.

In this day and age, with all the strife and struggle women have gone through to be able to vote, and have equal rights...it just seems so very sad, that at the end of the day, soooo many women out there, still think the sum total of life, is getting 'selected' by some dude out in the world...who is rich, or popular, or good looking...or all of it.

It just saddens me. I used to have this very mindset, perhaps, this whole thing jarred that for me.

I don't judge anyone. It's not what I'm getting at. But, I think it Cinderella, that whole story, is really what many many women still seek, despite having come so far in so many ways, as a gender.

Just sad to me.

WHY? are you letting these people crater your own self esteem and path?

Because they're sporting a big ole ring? Because they are clueless about building a genuine life of meaning? Because their very essence requires a man to make them feel whole? Because the IMAGE is more important than the substance?

Cmon. Let's go toward another way that will perhaps actually lead toward a HEALTHY life and relationship. Stop what you are doing right in its tracks. Not good and not worthy.

Well, just had a good cry. Another one...ugh.

If this news wasn't bizarre enough, I bumped into a woman at the grocery store earlier, who isn't a close friend, but someone I socialize with...go shopping with, etc. Her kids are pals with mine, etc.

But, not close I wouldn't say.

Anyways...she hugs me and then shows me her hand...she is sporting an e-ring. She tells me she's getting married in the fall. I said, wow, you and 'bob' haven't been dating all that long. But congratulations!

I tried to be joyful. I really did.

She said, 'thanks dee, i'm sooo happy. when you know...you just...know' She was beaming.

She then told they are planning a small wedding, and she went on and on and on. And honestly, I don't think I heard anything. It's as though, I died for a few moments, and was looking down at all this.

She then had to go, and I was standing in the middle of the grocery store...just dumb struck.

It hit me. I never want to get married again. I was married once. It was a good marriage, he was not a narc. But, it ended.

I've been serial dating assholes ever since, and perhaps, there is just this part of me that no longer believes in ''marriage.''

I'm devestatingly sad right now. That it still seems as though women (mainly women are like this) still view getting the ring, and getting married as the end all be all of life.

I'm totally over my ex N. All this today didn't dredge him up for me. He is truly a thing of the past.

But, it dredged something up for me...I don't know. :(

A couple of things:

1) You are jealous (I think) that there is "joining" in this world at a time when we are Unjoining ourselves from someone we loved, and wanted so much to make work. We deserved better, and it is HARD to see others get so easily connected when the very foundation of what we wanted, who we were, has been shattered.

2) Its complete horseshit that she and he have found LOVE. Finding LOVE three months after you are divorced...is full of it. Cmon.

3) You should feel how you feel, and express best wishes to them both. That is it.

4) Patience in life....learning about ourselves and what we want...in my opinion, will be rewarded by living a fabulous life of our own creation with or without another to share it. Would I/we like to share it? Sure, but the point is to love ourselves first, and then have someone join in.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, and advice. You're right. I do believe she rushed this...completely, and totally.

My thoughts to her won't be welcome, and I don't want to rain on her parade.

She's in her 40's, I'm 41. I think there are a lot of women out there, who honestly feel like if a decent looking guy comes their way, they better not let that ship pass by. I guess I just don't feel that way, about my age.

I'm not saying that's what prompted such a sudden thing...but, to me, she rushed this.

Thanks for letting me air this here. I felt ashamed at first to have such feelings, but now, I'm feeling better having shared this here. You guy have a way of making sense!

Deidra, I do this a lot still too...that whole "people pleasing thing"......look, these are YOUR feelings, you aren't all to keen on this news for whatever reason. Sounds like she jumped back into the frying pan too soon but who knows? They could live happily ever after, and maybe they won't....not our marriage- not our business. So you give the courteous "congratulations" and that's it. You don't HAVE to be happy for anyone.

Be happy for Deidra. Deidre who is finding herself and won't settle any longer. On ANYONE.

love~ Layla

I just had a light bulb moment! I know why I am sad.

I'm jealous ...not of her or him or them. Or their marriage. No.

I'm jealous that she isn't afraid of love, and wasn't afraid to give her heart to this man, after she had a horrible marriage to an abuser. I remember her marriage, he was somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive.

That's it. Ugh, that. is. it.

:(

I'm crying. I'm shocked to admit this to myself and wonder if I'll ever be able to be like her, just from the standpoint of being so willing to trust and love, again.

Sounds like a train wreck to me ..

Oxox Hunter