HappilyNeverAfter33's Story

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#1 Jul 3 - 8PM
HappilyNeverAfter33
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HappilyNeverAfter33's Story

My story....told with a heart shattered by a love that never was...

I want to thank everyone for the support and strength they've given to me; a complete stranger yet a reflection of my life with a narcissist husband. This is my first time posting on this forum, and I do so while my NH packs up his belongings downstairs to move out. I want to share my story here as my friends and family have been by my side for the past 9 years, listening and comforting me but with a tone of frustration and perplexity on how I continue to shed tears over this man. After reading The Path Forward, the initial shock became the realization of how this Narc lured me in and brainwashed me into the weak and fearful girl I am today. It was never bliss in the beginning, although his charm and looks drew me in. As I recall 9 years ago, our first few dates were dutch as he refused to be labeled a 'chump' by paying for anything. He was quick to profess his love for me and quick to give me an ultimatum to move across the country with him so he could go to school in another state. I was on cloud 9 (or so the Narc made me believe) that in the beginning he wanted me, he loved me enough to want me by his side after dating a couple months. Our fights were bad in the beginning, but I was young and 'in love'. He relied on me to pay the bills and support us so he could go to school, and I quickly found out trust was out the window before I said the words 'I do.' Nothing I had done to deserve the suspicion, his jealousy of friends and his blatant loathing of my mother but no reason other than my close relationship with her. She can't be any good for me, as she went thru her 3rd divorce the Narc said she has no morals she's a whore. I know this story could end up a novel if I were to go thru the years of emotional and verbal abuse that I allowed myself to endure. We had our bad fights and I tried to dish it out as much as I got it, but there's no winning a war with someone like that. I tried separation from him and almost believed I could be strong enough to be on my own and raise our then 3 year old. He refused child support until court ordered garnishments from his job. He had his parents pay the courts money to take me to court to fight the support payments. I do suffer from depression and what little self-esteem I had is long gone, beaten down and spit on by my NH there's nothing left. I took him back and I have always done the groveling to him. His love always on his terms, with stipulations and conditions, all of which I don't comply he's made it clear he is out the door. Daily I'm apologizing to him, so many 'I'm Sorry's' and half the time not really sure of what I've done but regardless he stays upset. Most of his demands revolve around sex, if we went longer then 2 days I must be cheating on him. The times we did have sex he berated me after complaining how boring I am and if I don't spice it up....he will leave me. Ironically a month ago while cleaning my room, found a spy camera hidden underneath my makeup table and adjacent to my bed. I played the sd card and the first image, sure enough, him placing the camera in my room. He has yet to admit placing it there and I dont know if it was to catch me doing something that I'm not, or part of his sick perversions. I must say this time he is leaving and I am not groveling on my knees as I have in the past. He played his ST game and didn't talk to me for weeks it seemed, a manuever well played in the past as I detest being ignored and treated so coldly. I soon discovered his traits were that of a Narc, and I mistakenly told him so today actually via text. His verbal and emotional abuse....why do I let it hurt me still, why do I continue to cry over my NH who will never shed a tear for me? It angers him to see or hear me cry, absolutely no empathy, none! A few months ago had emergency surgery found out by surprise I had an ectopic pregnancy. As they rush me into the hospital I am frantically trying to phone him as he is aware the Dr could find something like this. His important job as a Customer Service Rep., (haha) he is ignoring my calls and putting me thru to his voicemail. He finally shows up and continues to remind me of all the times he is sick and I'm not at his beck and call, mind you when we were separated. I'm losing my right Fallopian tube and a baby I didn't know growing inside and he does not care. Wow, sounds like I'm trying to remind myself what a NH he is...So my story will end here, it's far from over I'm sad to say. The last text I got from him today and I quote, "What part of fuck off did you not get. How about fuck off you lying deceiving bitch." The lying part...I don't even know what I said or did, I'm always left confused, sad, hurt asking myself what did i do that was so bad why is he so mean and why do I deserve this? Okay now this is the end as I start to cry, being strong is the hardest hardest thing I've ever tried to do....

Jul 3 - 9PM
midwestdiva
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let that rascal go!

Jul 3 - 9PM
Jenna H
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Happilyneverafter

Jul 3 - 8PM
DawnWins
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Cry and let him go out that