on all this.
It's is finally settling in my soul. It really is about me. It no longer is about the abuse HE did to me. It is about the abuse, I let myself endure. It's not how he treated the OW, it is about how I let him treat me. It's not about how he used me for money, but about how I let myself be used instead of taking care of myself fiancially.
It's not about how I invested in his future, but how I didn't invest in mine.
It's not about how he used me, but how I interpeted love. Or even if he valued me, it is how I valued myself. He is a narc/psycopath and is accountable for his actions, but I am accountable for my life.
I have had so many narcs in my life, but I let them in to fill that childhood void from abuse. I am turning corners and learning about self-care. I was in a cult/church before this, scarficing my life for others, just like I did for him. I learning that it is not selfishness, but when you really love yourself, you will have a greater love to give. I finally have learned how to grieve in a healthy way and not run from feeling the pain. I am learning how to affirm and approve of myself, and not get stuck in self-pity. I see my life full, and not empty. I am reprogaming old minsets, creating new pathways in my brain. I am thankful, so thankful for all this.
I'm am creating a new life without the crutches of my past(including Ex-narc) .
NC is the only way to start on this journey, there are no shortcuts. When I started I couldn't even leave my house. I felt so useless and alone. Now I can stay home and feel the fullness in my life. It's not that I crowded my self with people of things to do. (At first, I did but then I would still feel sad afterwords) It's the deep inner work,on changing those core mindsets on how I view myself. I still have so many issues to work out from these narc experiences. I am at a new place in my life, where I am growing strong inside of my soul.
Thanks to all you amazing people.
To the neebies, Nc is the only route to take. The narcs will never fill your emptyness, only you can. Their love is an illusion, but you have the power to love yourself. Take a chance on yourself, (like we all took on them, and kept believing that they would change) you are worth it.
I expect the best is yet to come in my life, but I am begining to enjoy the process.