For those of you that didn't have children with your N, please be thankful. I do love my kids, at the moment he's using them to win me back. He was always a useless piece of crap daddy, and will continue once he figures out I am NOT coming back (it takes a while for Ns to process this)

My twins went camping this weekend with dear old dad. Dad has been doing all kinds of cool stuff now that I'm gone, the stuff he never did since the day they were born. I can take solice in knowing that the minute they hit the city, twinB called and wanted me to pick them up right away!

Just before they called I checked my email, I have a rule set up in the email that anything that comes from him goes into his folder not to be read, since I haven't received any in weeks, I thought it had worked. Wrong. I got a series of emails sent from his phone about the great weekend he was having with the boys, "me and our sons camping" The two last emails were subjected "the mom I never had" and "I wish we can be a family again". Like a fool, I opened to see which pic it was and it was me and ex step daughter at her grad. This pic was taken on HER phone and I was no where near him. She sent it to him. I was LIVID. I deleted all pics and emails, even the ones of my sons, double checked the failed rule to make sure it works next time.

Oh, and Sat, a series of texts came through, usually my boys play with dad's phone and they send me "hi mom", there were 5 that came through at the same time, probably because they were out of town they were delayed. In the middle of these texts was a "Dawnwins, I miss you". If it wasn't a work phone, it would have been smashed to a million pieces, instead I threw it hard to the cushions of the couch.

Then I go pick up my twins this afternoon. Loon asked if I had received mail, I said no. What's the matter....nothing. Drove off. In the car driving home I was near meltdown, twinA said to my daughter, we went camping and YOU didn't....I yelled STOP and starting bawling quietly. I don't want them to see mommy crying, I want to be strong. He is NOT going to win, never, ever. The reason I start crying is because they're too young to understand what their dad is doing. They're too young to understand their father is a psychopath.