STDs and NC/break up
In light of my situation, I thought it might be best to post about STDs and if there is any reason along with your safety, happiness and well being, NC or breaking up with our partner may also prevent you from catching an STD from your ex, which can potentially affect your life long term.
I am in my 30s. I have never been one to sleep around and prefer to wait until I meet someone that I really like before becoming really involved.
Due to the lies and deception of my ex, I now have 2 STDs despite using condoms as they are passed by skin to skin. He also appeared at first to be fairly respectable and not the ‘type’ to get these.
I caught the first STD within a month of sleeping with him. He had cold sores and although there were none showing at the time, I still managed to get herpes type 1 from him. For this, he accused me of being a prostitute in my past. I know you don’t know me, but I am a well brought up girl with a good education who has always worked hard in a decent profession, been professional, had integrity, I dress conservatively and smartly for my work… of course, it was mere projection on his part… he was the scumbag but I didn’t know much about projection at that point, nor about his hidden life/past.
I told him immediately and advised that he get to a clinic asap. I have the complete text exchange from when he was in the clinic (actually the whole relationship) where he said there was nothing wrong with him and he had no treatment.
I was completely devastated by this news and it was another reason to think that perhaps I should consider him more as a long term partner as what decent man would want me now.
Six weeks later, I had noticed two ‘spots’ on his upper thigh which I thought were just spots or a heat rash but asked anyway. He said ‘oh, they didn’t know what they were at the clinic so they just burnt them off – they could be milk spots’. There was so much going on at the time and despite being very angry that he had lied and not told me he had had treatment that day, I let it go and believed him.
After breaking up with him, there wasn’t something quite right, I went to the doctors and then to the clinic. He had given me a second STD. I contacted him, he denied it but tried to get back with me which clearly was a no from me.
After 10 weeks of having to have weekly very painful and humiliating treatment, we spoke. For twenty minutes he went back and forth denying and admitting it and then blaming it on me for having a weak immune system. Due to his sexting and photos he sent, I actually have photos showing the ’spots’, which he, I later realised, must have had treatment for over 8 weeks, and in all this time he lied to me about it, sickening.
On top of all the abuse I had from this man, I now had this legacy. I had been recovering from him okay until that point. I raged, felt extremely depressed, humiliated, felt dirty. I don’t have children yet but I had really hoped to find a good, decent man and bring up a family. Now, what good man will want me?
Many narcs and psychopaths are sex addicts. Cheating is the norm for them. Catching an STD from them, even if taking precautions like condoms and/or you can see no obvious signs, is like playing Russian roulette.
For people out there who are in my position, I really feel for you. To the rest, please consider this and look after your well being. I never, ever thought I would catch an STD and now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I may never have my good husband and family that I dreamed of.
Sorry for the long post. I don’t mean to patronise or upset anyone but only to help people avoid my situation if possible… it can happen to anyone and does happen.