I have this same type of problem with xnh at work sometimes. Unfortunately, we still work for the same company, and I sometimes can't help passing him in the halls, etc. Like your xn, xnh sometimes tries to "narrate" this. If I go visit my best friend on the opposite end of the building, xnh will start pacing back and forth in the hallway using one lame excuse after another. My friend says he NEVER does this if I'm not visiting her. It's a childish show on xnh's part.

My normal behavior (and this is what I would advise for you) is to COMPLETELY ignore the narc. If I pass xnh in the hall, he gets NO responses from me. I do not make eye contact with xnh. I do not speak. I pretend completely that he does NOT exist. The ONLY response he ever gets is for me to step around him, if he blocks my path. I view xnh just like a would see a turd in my way. I step around, not out of respect for the turd (or xnh - the two are the same thing, in my book), but merely because *I* do not want to get any poo on my shoe. Xnh is N-O-T-H-I-N-G, and that is exactly the reaction he gets from me, N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

In your situation, this is exactly how I would advise that you react. Give the narc nothing. Ignore him (and OW) completely. Talk to your daughter (and anyone else around you). Laugh a lot. Be happy. Narcs thrive on attention. He is doing this to put on a "show" and get a reaction from you (ANY reaction will work for him). Don't give him the satisfaction. It's pretty hard to put on a performance when their is no audience. Don't be his. Hold your head up high, and just go about your business. The narc is nothing more than another stinking "road apple" in a horse barn. Step around the turd, and ignore it. At some point, someone will come along with a manure rake, and he will end up on the manure pile with all of the other pieces of crap. Meanwhile, you are off happily grooming your horse with your daughter, and doing what you normally do. YOU are happy and enjoying yourself. The narc is NOT part of it, and he has no power to take any of the enjoyment of your experience away either. That power comes from within YOU.

It can feel uncomfortable underneath to see the narc. Just ignore the feelings. They're your feelings, but the narc does NOT need to see them. You are strong enough to survive his abuse, and you can do this, too. Ignoring the narc, and giving him NO reaction will deprive him of ANY supply. He's wasting his effort, and getting no benefit. THIS is what will eventually cause him to stop this charade. He wants a reaction (supply) from you. YOU have the power to deprive him. It's really best for both you, and your NC, that he gets no reaction (supply). Whatever, he does/does not do, is no longer anything important. He is NOTHING, but another piece of manure that surfaced at a stable (and so is OW). After owning horses for years myself, I know personally that stables are FULL of crap. The narc is merely one more turd, and any horse in the barn can put out higher quality turds than the likes of a narc. rofl.

Huge hugs.

This is like my ex .. joining and attending the same walking group i am in when there are at least 4 others in our city! ... loser! its all about them.... you go girl ! Walk talk and show that sad pathetic piece of crap it doesnt matter to you! You have come so far and now he is just a distant memory who matters very little to you...

Hope you get on ok! xx

I get the whole "I'm not changing for him"....to a degree.

But, he has already engaged you and you are very disturbed by the whole thing...rightly so.

However...I would simply change my time to another time or date. I WOULD not LET him see me, be around me, have that satisfaction of triangulating or humiliating me....whatever BS he might be thinking. You can say all you want that you will not change your life for him. But in the end, this is a hollow engagement and in reality...hurtful for you. Hurtful that you have to get all worked up over it (which you have already done), hurtful that your emphasis will not be on your daughter but on steeling yourself for this and seeing them painfully together...all of it. NOT WORTH IT. Just change it. Voila...he gets no satisfaction, and you are in control of your life and your experience with your daughter.

Absence///Genuine NC///as in NO COMMENT...is the most frustrating thing in the end for them. Putting down the rope and not partaking is the higher road.

You are not avoiding him by doing this. You are simply not allowing him to manipulate you.

That a girl, one solution to this problem and it sounds as though you know what it is...
Stay True to You!

xoxoxox
Janie