During the beginning stages of NC, I remember feeling alone. Scared. Scared to be alone. lol
I'm nearing 13 months NC, and well over a year since the break up. I am starting to understand why it takes 18 months, even if the 'relationship' was short lived, as mine was. It doesn't take that long to get over the narc...but it takes that long to get past him/her, and find yourself again.
And figure out the pain that caused you to stay connected to the narc for as long as you did.
All this said, I was thinking today...that this might help some of you 'battling' with staying NC.
During early stages of NC, we miss the 'good times' with the narc. We yearn for that fantasy person. That, coupled with not getting to the depth of our own issues, we often break NC.
But, if you stick with NC...you will realize that you:
* no longer have to decipher his/her word riddles anymore
* no longer have to analyze his/her nonsense
* no longer have to hear lies, that you KNOW are lies
* no longer have to have boring sex and pretend it was the time of your life
* no longer have to cater to his/her needs incessantly
* no longer have to hear that dinner sucked, and it was in truth, magnificent
* no longer have to wonder why he's treating you so badly
* no longer have to wonder why he's gone silent...again
The list is endless, really, if you stop to think of all the bs that is no longer a part of your life, sans narc.
You may 'miss' the person you thought you knew...but think of all you no longer have to accept and tolerate. Even if you were d&d-ed by him/her...make a list of all the nonsense that's no longer present in your life.
I remember feeling depressed...when NC really set in. And he was no longer trying to hoover. It felt unsettling. I missed the drama and bs. The reason for that, I'd discover later on my path...but, the list is endless of what I 'lost' by letting go of the narc.
Hope this helps you if you're struggling with NC.