You get angry, envious, sad, all of that stuff...and then you accept and be so effing thankful you are not her because his pattern will not change. When he tires of her because she allows him to crush her self-esteem, he'll discard her just like he discarded you and then it's on to someone new to start the cycle all over again.

It's perfectly OK to feel what you're feeling. Don't try to ignore your feelings or smother them. Deal with them so you can move on. *hug*

I haven't had to deal with OW.. but when he can tear himself away from his porn, pot, vodka and realize that no one is lining up to get him just from his "dick pics" on CL, and finds someone new? I like to think I will tell myself .. This is his pattern, and he won't change.. For anyone.. Not even himself.

My ex-friend/FWB/pseudo boyfriend/long story is a local radio talk show host. He and his on air partner have the number one rated show in the city (I'm in the I believe now 5th largest city until I move away hopefully soon), or at least they did as of a year ago when I left and had to stop listening to not just his show but the entire station.

I cant turn on local radio or local TV news as he fills in occasionally as a guest host on morning shows or a guest commentator on local evening news. His show has a Facebook page, he has a show twitter page, a personal twitter page....and so does she. In fact that's how I found out how much he was lying due to looking at her twitter page. She had been blabbing it for the world to see for months when they were secretly involved. I read it all going back from June 2011 back to Feb 2011, and my heart just broke over and over...the shock of the depth of lying caused PTSD which I have been diagnosed with by now three psychologists. I've lost memory, I am still in a state of confusion, and it's now over a year.

I had to read on her feed how incredible everything was for all those months before he finally came clean, and the 2 weeks after that as I sat in disbelief I read stuff I wish I wouldn't have. Then I got off Twitter for good. And I don't go to his show's facebook page. It's one reason I'm having a hard time letting go. He publically acknowledged her on his radio program which he has only done once before in the past, and that was with the woman in radio that he married on a whim "because she was the funniest girl I ever knew." They both cheated on each other and were divorced within 3 years. Now I found out accidentally online in March they he and the new one were engaged on NY eve.....after only 6 mos and 3 weeks of "officially" dating. They hadn't even known each other 9 months. He had vowed never to get married again, but lo and behold, 6 mos with her and he already proposed. It was all over her club's website which I was not aware was hers, and that's how I found out - I was signing up to volunteer with a cancer group, and it linked to her women's club (soroptomists) and that's where I saw the engagement plastered every where. I was not expecting to find that nor was I looking for it. I literally vomited right on my rug....it was awful. I have never known such betrayal and lies.

I could easily write her and tell her everything she doesn't know. She emailed me (I dont know her, never met her) on 12/20/11 to "get rid of her pain of her role in my breakup before the new years and hopes I'm doing well and wishes the best for me" - I didn't respond. I was getting an ultrasound to see if I needed to get a biopsy for breast cancer. I did. And it was positive. Invasive. My world has crashed and burned and is upside down....and he and she got engaged 6 days before I got the cancer diagnosis on Jan 6 2012. I texted him the day I got the diagnosis - no reply. He never replied back to any of my attempts to reconcile last June and July (I gave up after that). I emailed her back the same day Jan 6 and told her of my diagnosis. And again, no reply. I guess the two of them are so happy that they don't care who they hurt. As long as their perfect lives are so wonderful, they just both tweet it all for the world to see, damn how anyone else feels.

I was dead to him last June. He has no idea if I'm literally dead to him now. He doesn't know I had surgery and radiation and as of now I am cancer free....but who knows how long. Part of me really wanted to die after everything that happened with him. I feel so used, stupid, and in so much pain that I still cry almost daily. And it's been over a year. With who he is in the media, I could take him down with a letter, an email, a facebook post, a letter to the editor.....but I'm not that kind of person. I have a feeling she is (she's a lawyer and seems to be very narc herself - I think they feed off each other, I'm very opposite).

Because of his presence in this city, I have chosen to move away. Doesn't help we live close to each other as well. I have changed where I shop, where I eat out, etc so I don't run in to them. I had planned on moving by Jan and then got the cancer diagnosis which put the kabosh on everything. I'm now planning on moving by this Dec. God willing. The PTSD is so bad some days, I have got to just leave.

Why it is that all I do is imagine how perfect their life is together? Why do I have constant movies playing in my head of their nights together, their lives together, everything he told me him now telling her, their trips together that I never got to take b/c I wasn't technically his girlfriend (it's very complicated, but all the shrinks have told me emotionally I was his girlfriend he just couldn't deal with it), seeing her showing all her friends her beautiful ring, him talking about how great she is on the air? I don't know that ANY of these things are true or happened.....yet my mind makes up entire stories and then plays the movies of their happy, perfect life in my head. Make it stop.

I tell myself that xnh is disordered. It's permanent. Absolutely NOTHING has changed about him during the two years since his final D&D. He's the same exact manipulative, con artist that he was when I met him. In fact, xnh is using the same exact techniques on OW as he used on me. Poor, poor little xnh. His wife (me) was just SO horrible to him. He is SUCH a little victim. Nothing is ever his fault. In addition, I'm sure OW is SO much more special than "any other woman" he's ever met, according xnh. This will be said during the honeymoon phase (only) of their relationship, of course. That will change soon enough, when his devalue and discard begins. Right now, OW is his "soul mate". It's all the same lies he used on me. I'm sure it's the same garbage his used to snare his first wife. It's the same type b.s. xnh has used on every other source of supply (aka, victim) in his past.

Meanwhile OW's "fall from grace", in the future, is going hurt her just as badly as it did any of the rest of us having relationships with xnh. As we all know, every single source of narcissistic supply will come tumbling off that very high pedestal, at some point. The narc never changes (for anyone...ever).

As far as how I feel about xnh being with OW, that old quote rings SO very true. "Any woman that steals another woman's husband, deserves to keep him". These are wise words. Xnh is so very much NOT a prize. Well, maybe he's a "booby prize" for the loser in the contest. Anyone that "wins" him, is really on the short end of the stick. OW can just keep xnh (at least until he D&D's her, and moves onto his next victim). When he's done with her, she'll be discarded just like yesterday's trash. Right now, she's stuck with a true turd. rofl.

Better her than me. I'm rid of xnh, and my life is SO much happier now without him ANYWHERE in it. When applied to xnh, I say, "Good riddance to bad rubbish!" :)

I read that article and I think I was actually holding my breath through most to it. So frighteningly true. My NP would use the term "it's a means to an end", which was used a couple times in that piece.

I too see him flaunting her around, as I live in a small town. Even after all this time, it's still difficult for me. But I DO know I was her at one time and I remember what things were like behind closed doors for me. I too put up the face that everything was wonderful in front of others and I am sure she's doing the same thing.

I only hope for her and her children that she doesn't let it continue. Although I am not so sure as she has no other means to take care of herself and her children other than him.

I got away and it was and still is difficult for me sometimes. But I know me and my girls are much better off without being a part of his screwed up life.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2010/12/22/the-psychopaths-rel...

Hunter

is how xnWanna B described on his FB page his decision to not re-engage with me and to go after a NGF (who happened to have dated him 12 years ago, so she was old supply)

We had been apart for 6 weeks, and then saw each other at a Christening. I was civil to him, but unresponsive. I guess he figured it was time to move on and the next day on FB wrote: "time for a new plan"...and few days later was dating NGF.

How would you like to be described as a "new plan"???. I can only feel sorry for her. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride is just getting going for her. WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Reason

badride I tell myself this is what all Narcissists do in the beginning to secure your love. He did this to other women before you, with you, and will with every woman after you. It is the treatment that every idealized partner gets in the beginning until they are devalued and eventually discarded.

She did not hit the jackpot with him. He DID NOT change for her. Sadly, she WILL get the same treatment you did. Keeping this thought in my head is what helps me not get caught up in the illusion of him again. I don't believe he is showering her with love, attention, and gifts because his feelings are genuine. If I start believing THAT then I am at square one when I thought he was capable of loving ME!! As if I didn't learn ANYTHING about this disorder in the 2 months I have been NC because I wasn't doing the work!!

Knowledge=Power READ, READ, READ

That One day she will watch in HORROR....as you are doing now.....