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Surreal moment
Walkingonsunshine
Member since:
51 weeks 23 hours
51 weeks 23 hours
Last activity:
1 week 1 day
1 week 1 day
Surreal moment
Posted June 23, 2012 - 12:24am
I live on a sort of trendy area. It's 1 am and here I sit outside in the plaza courtyard. I found a small tarp tent to pirtch under. The upscale restaurant is just across the lane and because it the upscale bar. Life is all around me but I'm not in it anymore. Just me and my thoughts... As I sit here wondering why me and telling myself to stop crying why me. Guess what's playing at the bar.... Somebody that I used to know.. Wow it sounds great loud. I want to disappear in it somehow. How could he have done all this to me.... It's not a question, I know the answer yet... I keep asking it over and over and over and over. Why me and how could he do this to me. Sometimes I even answer myself with shut up already and get over it, and then I ask the same question again. It's the shock factor of what I went through. Why me? Why us, why anyone. I wish this forum members were here with me at 1 am on this patio courtyard, I wouldn't feel so alone and isolated in this journey.The world is going round and I'm sitting still. Saddest part is that I have no desire to be a part of it.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Walkingonsunshine
June 23, 2012 - 7:24am — Janie53I'm sorry you had a rough night. I do remember the stage of why me etc. but as time goes on, and you learn more about you, that feeling changes. I am no longer in victim mode but survivor mode. My experience with the psychopath has unleashed a strength I think I have had all along but was repressed. I know and love myself better than I ever have and completely understand why I engaged with someone so disordered. My psychopath was just the catalyst for me to do deal with issues I have ignored for way too long. Again, knowledge is power.
Keep doing the work; this journey isn't a race. You will get there just make sure you stay true to you!
Love Janie
walking on sunshine
June 23, 2012 - 6:57am — onwithmylifewish i could join you, i am some years out and sometimes look back myself and feel like a totally different person.......like it was surreal..............I still feel very lonely have met no one to help me move forward, just myself.................
You are never alone
June 23, 2012 - 5:35am — TigiangelThis site has by it's very existence helped me not to feel so isolated , alone and to blame.
I know exactly where you are coming from " it's the shock factor of what I went through"..... hurts like hell - I know.
KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE, we are on this journey together, and there are tons of us!!
((Warm hugs to you))
Tigiangel x
Isolation and thoughts
June 23, 2012 - 5:18am — make it happenI have identified my ex as a full blown, grade A NARC. aS I look back over the last 5 years I can see how gullible i was but this is a good thing. Through all the break ups(instigated by me) and making up i never truly believed that what he was doing was intentional and took him back, always kidding myself with a rosey glow of the future for us. Now I can see that every suspicion I had was real and bonfide and so now if he attempted to come back to me that would throw a 6ft thick wall of steel between he and I.
My brain will shortly blow a fuse if I don't start to socialize and become re-connected to other people ( a process i have begun, with firstly a re-connect with my friends whom i have known since i was 11 years old) I am now 49.
So I fully empathize with your feelings of solitude and truly wish I was there in person with you. Through all the seriousness perhaps we could giggle at the ridiculous things they have said and done and we would sear onto each other's brain and heart the true reality of what we have been dealing with.
I think the isolation they create around and within us is one of the worst things they do to us but at least that does not have to last and we must take steps to mix with people again. I do believe there are good people out there, so his cynicism did not do it's job and totally wipe out my faith in good things.
Love and understanding to you xxx
walkingonsunshine...
June 23, 2012 - 1:51am — fallingfowardI'm at home in my bed, but I'm spinning a little bit tonight too. I just have a hard time wondering how someone could be so evil. I know now why I let him in my life, but my emotions tonight are wondering why in hell did he pick me. Of course I know the answer just like you, we're empaths, good supply for the narc. Still, tonight it hurts.
Wish I was there with you, sharing a drink and talking about how are lives are changing for the better. How we are learning about boundaries and self-love. Having a little girl-talk about all the bs they put us through and how we'll never let anyone do that to us again.
A big warm hug tonight.
We'll make it through this.
ff
We're all here with you in
June 23, 2012 - 12:37am — chris53We're all here with you in our thoughts and spirit sharing your quiet moment in the patio courtyard. :-)
Thanks for the replies
June 23, 2012 - 9:55pm — WalkingonsunshineThanks for the replies everyone. I'm here again tonight, Same crap different day. I want everyone to go home so I can have my quiet time.