It was 4 months ago today that xn Wanna B did me the greatest favor and unceremoniously gave me my walking papers via a phone call. 7 years of navigating erratically on a one way street came to a screeching halt.
At first, it was relief. I was getting pretty fed up with his emotional push-pull and increasingly negative moods.
I told him it was over for good. NEVER call again. But, part of me figured he'd come back after a few weeks and we would have the "big talk" ...and who knows what after that?
Then, I stumbled onto this wonderful site and began to actually realize what I had been dealing with. I must admit, I was blown away. I have been reading, learning, listening, re-reading, re-reading and more re-reading.
I have cried more tears than I ever knew I was capable of producing. I have been sadder and angrier than I have ever been. I've been mad at him. I've been mad at myself. I have been disgusted by his behavior. I have ridden a variety of emotional waves within minutes of each other. I have had wonderful days. I have had shitty days. And in between days. But most importantly, I've had days without him. I have absolutely no problem with NC.
From all of my reading and learning, it has caused my head to spin even faster and sometimes almost out of control. This is from realizing what so many of the comments were really about, why he did the push-pull, why he did the numerous break ups. Why he called again.Why he was so well behaved on vacation. Why he was so miserable shortly thereafter. Why he would mention previous girlfriends out of the blue. Why he would try and provoke an arguement when things were going so well. Why he would tell me my favorite ice cream was out of stock (when it wasn't), why, why, and more why's are being discovered. Sometimes it makes me near crazy!
I can only hope and pray that my current "spin" is like the last spin cycle on my washer-you know the real FAST one that spins out the final rinse-after which, it comes to an abrupt stop?
Many thanks to all here who have been so supportive with their time and sharing of experiences. It has made a world of difference in my life. I am going forward and NEVER looking back.