I've been a member of this forum for about three months and there is so much kindness, understanding, information, guidance and healing here. Thanks to all the contributors here (and to the 'readers only' crowd: Jump in- the water's wonderful!)
I do have to say though, that certain questions are repeated far too often- and they can be tiring, and sometimes even a little annoying. It shows that some of you aren't 'doing your homework' or some here are lazy and want the answers spoon fed to you.
I encourage everyone to read some of our older posts and blogs here (there is just SO MUCH wisdom and experience already written in this forum!) That one thing will answer SO MANY of your questions and help stop some of the rehashing of (tired) topics stated daily.
With that said, may I point out that this is one of the more repeated of the sentiments here. It goes something like:
"Is he REALLY a narcissist?"
This is followed by a tirade of your boyfriend's (husband's, significant other's, person who just did the D&D, or soon to be EX-whomever's) inconsiderate behaviors and downright abusive actions.
I truly feel for you but my crystal ball is in the shop for repairs and even if I was a mental health professional (I am not) I couldn't diagnose from cyberland, anyway. It could be that your 'qualifier' is indeed a Narc or a psychopath, has another PD or mental disorder, is suffering from depression, is struggling with an addiction, and/or is just a prick.
I'm being a bit harsh here because I'm trying to get your attention. You found this forum for a reason and it's high time you get your attention off HIM and on YOURSELF- where it always should have been. Maybe this is a better question to ponder:
"WHY am I doubting myself and my experience of this self-obsessed man?"
You see, it just doesn't matter WHAT his diagnosis is (and chances are, you have wasted enough time obsessing about him at this point, anyway!) You are here because you are being disrespected and abused/neglected by someone. You KNOW you deserve better treatment and that EVERY human deserves to feel valued, cared for and appreciated in ALL their relationships- not only the romantic ones.
So, why are you still preoccupied with his diagnosis?
Are you working on the 'Mental Olympics' necessary to break 'No Contact' and (foolishly) go another round with Mr. Inconsiderate? Thinking that perhaps this time you will shove and contort your delicate foot deeper into his warped, tarnished glass slipper? If you take him back, will you be even more determined to MAKE this 'relationship' work? You know the co-dependents M.O.: If you only 'audition' for the roll of his princess with yet more heart and soul, he will finally realize that you two are a fit for each other...
(Sound of slamming brakes or record scratching)
You KNOW (without a diagnosis) that this man is TOXIC to you! You caught him in too many lies and broken promises. He doles out his puny crumbs of affection about as often as a slot machine pays off. He's moody, immature, and unpredictable- he can't even be relied on for anything as simple as returning a text or calling if he's running late. Always keeping you in doubt about your perceptions and where your 'relationship' or future stands with him. Somehow your needs got lost in the shuffle...
So maybe it's time to stop wondering if he's truly a narcissist- or just self-involved- and focus on why you thought you deserved his mistreatment of you.
If we don't figure that out, there is no end to the opportunistic cads with which we share our planet. It's time to GET REAL and face our demons, examine our character, and our part in the drama- our need for a 'Happily Ever After' at any cost.
We all have bad days- whining, chocolate and a good friend's ear can work wonders! It is so very important to share our stories and receive support and validation. Also, to move forward, it's crucial that we work out our anger and pain of betrayal.
But I believe that we accelerate our healing and personal growth when we empower ourselves by placing our focus on the things we can change. Ourselves!