I have felt this way too, when I have been out with other people, and I wished he was there. It's normal to have these feelings, since we are human, and we cared greatly for someone who we thought cared about us. We can't control our feelings, but we can examine why we have these feelings and we can re-frame our thoughts in ways that are more constructive.

I still miss my exN occasional, because it is part of the grieving and healing process. But I also know that he will never be "like them" - decent, because he is disordered. I don't plan to reconcile with him or think that I can fix him, because I know he is who he is.

The more you read about N's, the more you will understand that they won't change. They make you believe they are great and exactly what you want - but it's all a fantasy.

He couldn't be like decent people because he has a disorder. Personality disordered individuals (PDs) are not wired the same. Remember, his personality is DISORDERED. It is WHO he is, it is who he will ALWAYS be.

I know it hurts. I remember being in the throes of the abuse and thinking to myself, "why"?? "What did I do? WHY are you treating me this way???". He is disordered, that is why. It is really that simple. Of course everyone else I know treats me "normally" and in kind, but never him. He was pure evil to me, especially at the end. But enough about me. This is about YOU. I am doing just fine, although I still am in recovery because of the trauma.

Please remember, how he treated you is how he will treat his next victim. He will NEVER, EVER change. That is the truth. I am not saying it to make you feel better. I am telling you this because it is the truth. NO woman is EVER going to "love him into normal". That is NEVER going to happen.

Please continue to read and educate yourself on this disorder. I highly recommend "Goldie's Blog" to the left of the screen. Start there. You will also want to get Lisa's books if you have not already. AT LEAST get her second book, "The Path Forward". Next, read through the thread at the top of the forum list of topics called "OUR FAVORITES", this is where members post their favorite articles and videos that have proven helpful to real survivors of these PDs.

Stay strong. Feel your feelings, they are real, unlike the PD, who is a big fat phoney. Know that this gets easier, and yes, it is hurtful and traumatizing but you CAN recover and come out the other side better than ever.

love~ Layla