Shop around for a new therapist, one who is VERY knowledgable about abuse, that is a MUST. I have had 4 in the course of my relationship and not ONE of them mentioned the word abuse. I actually had a family councilor at a loss for words, still no mention of abuse. Wasn't till the last time, I requested one specific to abuse and what a world of difference.
And no, not everyone "gets it" unfortunately. I wanted to scream to the world about N...and I thought people were just looking at me strangely, so I vent in here!! My mom finally gets it now that she's seen the mask slip. My dad is an N, and he's actually been a huge supporter LOL!!
Hang in there Bluefox, one day at a time, it does get a little easier.

I've been exactly where you are now and was so doubtful about my own good instincts. I spent years in that crazy state of mind of trying to reconcile what I KNEW to be the truth of the situation and the LIE of the narc's manipulations and game-playing. When you love the person you're working so hard to believe and trust, you look for anything you can find to talk yourself out of what you're impeccable inner voice keeps saying to you -- eventually YELLING to you.

The problem that I see us all having here is that we're all trying to apply logic and "normal" patterns of thought and understanding to "abnormal and disordered" behavior and thought. As my grandmother used to say to me, "you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" and that's what we keep trying to do with these narcs.

What I think you need, and are not getting from your therapist, is validation of what you're trying to grasp as the truth. Of course you know it's wrong for the narc to establish communication with other women - whether on FB or anywhere else. Of course that makes you feel bad. Of course that damages trust. As much as it hurts to admit to yourself, this one (narc and therapist) is better to throw back and you need to paddle your boat to a better place.

Disappointment and lack of trust, as well as the nagging and never-ending self-doubt that they create in us is hard to overcome. And the best place to do that is starting to regain trust in YOURSELF-- your sense of truth, of right and wrong, and above all, your feelings of self-worth. SO...find a therapist who understands narcissism. That would be the first question I'd ask before giving them a dime of my money.

thank you Hunter for the reading that is so pertinent to my situation..

I am not going to see that therapist again, as it is really not helpful to doubt myself further. As for the N, I have heard the woman he is now living with (today is 2 weeks to the day we broke up and he moved in with her 6 days later), is a woman whom he used call a "pyscho" and bad mouth to others. So I guess it really is true that they can and will just get whatever they want out of people for their own ends.
The N would also very rarely want to have conversations with me on the phone, everything would be via text. I believe this was down to the fact that he could not be cuaght off guard via text and could control abnd plan if and when he responded.
As for me I am continuing to have no contact and ive almost made it through the working week

Please get yourself another therapist immediately. It really is important your relationship with the therapist is a perfect fit and also beneficial if you can find one who has experience with PD's.

Your feelings of self doubt are a direct result of being in a abusive relationship. Please download Lisa'sbook; it will explain a lot about how you are feeling.

Stay close to the forum; we get it here!
Stay true to you!

Janie