I am trying to keep up no contact this week and really finding that I have so much grief,anger and despair at times :(
Things ended with the N only two weeks ago. It was N that ended it via text after we had a disagreement over a relatively minor issue. I saw a therapist I have seen over some time yesterday and it really sent me into despair. The therapist said with regards to some of things N did to get attention from other women online, maybe he was just being nice and you were reading into it? Then she suggested that maybe I wanted to provoke the N into ending things with me. I said even if I had over reacted when we had the argument, it is still cruel how he just ended our relationship that meant a lot- via text and she was talking as though its completely a 6 of one half a dozen of the other situation between me and him.. I am really angry by this and it got me doubting myself!
I don't claim I was the perfect GF and I sure as hell prob said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing at times....but this man..I honestly stood by him at a highly difficult time in his life when he was hospitalised, I gave him chance after chance..
We did have issues with trust, but this was not helped by him constantly adding random women on social networking sites and even when I told him it upset me he would hide it and just carry on doing it..
In the past I have spoken to his ex of 5 years and she had the exact same struggles as me with him needing attention from other women, then learning he had cheated and non stop lies, yet reeled her back in with promises that he'd grown up and pleas for one last chance every time it looked like she had moved on.
I feel in such a weird disjointed place, so much grief over how it has ended...so little closure and feeling like im broken. I miss the part of him that was my best friend, that I would text about funny things that had happened at work, cuddle and chat to. I don't however miss the constant anxiety, not trusting what hes up to and the mind games when i say something to challenge him.....