I've just been thinking this phrase keeps popping into my head that I need to get out. One of my N's favorite things to say to me was "You know I don't like that". For some of these reasons:
Wearing my hair curly instead of straight
Taking too long to answer a question or explain
Leaving the dishes in the sink
Talking to my ex-husband on the phone about our children
Falling asleep on the couch
Using anything but Tide laundry detergent
My favorite perfume
Defending my children in any way, shape or form
Finding out something from someone else when he thinks I should have told him.
Not realizing he switched conversations in his own head, started talking about something else and my questioning what the hell he was talking about.
Forgetting a load of laundry in the washing machine
Not asking him to go almost anywhere I went.
I'm sure there are many more that are not popping into my head right now. I didn't realize how that one phrase had me under his control, living his life instead of mine. I'm not with him now, yet that phrase still runs through my head when I'm doing things. It's time to break the cycle, I think I'll go buy some Ajax laundry detergent today, wear my favorite perfume and go somewhere by myself without feeling guilty.
Love and hugs,