Hi all of you, I wanted to ask you all if I got this scenario right? Am I being cynical and too guarded?
I met a guy a couple of weeks ago and went out on a date. My first intrepid adventure since Trotters....I was feeling like I wanted to start and get out there again, start to see if I could trust my instincts and not be too guarded. I wanted to have some fun and a few laughs.
On the face of it, this man seemed to be fairly normal, didn't drink/smoke, had a 4 year old son who he clearly adores. We clicked and got on really well, alot of laughter. He told me alot about himself on that first date, although looking back, maybe he only really divulged what he wanted me to know. He told me he had left his wife last year due to her being abusive towards him and that his divorce was imminent. I probed him on this as here in the UK, unless you can prove unreasonable behaviour/adultery, you have to be separated for over 2 years before a court will grant a divorce. FIRST RED FLAG - he told me that I should google it and that each case is different = Bullshit.
During the week after our date, he started to text and message me constantly, asking what I was up to and if I didn't respond straight away, he would get upset - SECOND RED FLAG = controlling/trantrum like behaviour. He was love-bombing, totally targetting me with texts and words....
I was due to go out with some friends and people I work with one evening, he was working. The friends were due to stay over at mine so that they didn't have to drive - mix of guys and girls but all above board, we are all work colleagues - when this man heard this, he went silent on the phone. I asked him what was wrong and was he jealous? He said that it was good he was as it proved to me he was interested - THIRD RED FLAG - I mean really?? During the night out, he was constantly messaging me, asking me if I was being good and asking me to send him pics of where I was etc.....I couldn't be doing with this, I was out having fun with friends.
By this stage, I was talking to friends about this and whilst some were saying give him a chance, my gut was saying run for the hills and hide.....I felt so uncomfortable.
Now comes the deal breaker, I had told him that I had been through a very emotionally abusive relationship so wanted to be cautious. I wanted to see if he would respect that. He said he was not interested in my past, that my issues were "my issues", that I clearly have "trust" issues and he felt like i was interrogating him and making him feel as if he had done something wrong. Total projection and totally twisting it back on me.
So - I pulled my NC card out, blocked him on my messaging on my phone and deleted his number. Got a text saying "WOW you move fast, blocked me already LOL!". I didn't respond and sat there thinking, OH SHIT, is this really happening??!! Then another text this morning saying "last text, I will delete your number, good luck finding someone, let them show you who they are before you pull them to bits x". I have ignored both and hope that he will just disappear.
I saw who he was - what on earth is going on??? I am 90% sure I called this right...something just didn't stack up, he was defensive when I asked pretty normal questions and whilst I know I was on guard, it seems yet again, that I have attracted a potential abuser....I must have a target on my head!!!
Do you know what is brilliant? Before Trotters I would have fallen for all the love-bombing. But thanks to this forum I feel that I have dodged another bullet. I know I am right, I trust myself first and foremost and if that made HIM feel uncomfortable, then that is his SHIT to deal with.
Amazing, it's empowering but just need a little reassurance that I nailed it - within a couple of weeks too!! x