Just a little bit angry

beautifulmess

Member since:
1 year 14 weeks

Last activity:
10 weeks 1 day

Posted June 11, 2012 - 11:01pm

Thinking about how not too long ago, NH was telling me how I needed to take care of myself.. Needed to be strong. Said I am weak. Well, I WAS strong.. Before I met his sorry ass. The MFN broke me. It took him about 4 years to do, it but he did. I am pissed that I let him do that to me, pissed because I believed in the pretender, that he has convinced his family I am nuts. I don't know why it bothers me so much what they think of me, but it does. I want to expose him for the pathological liar he is. He recently got a letter from his college that says he is on academic probation for poor grades.. So a little karma has gone his way. But I want to take that letter and forward it to his mommy, who thinks he is doing great in school and I know she would be pissed. I am not going to because I need to move forward. But this little angry part of me? Ohh that part wants to help karma along! SIGH

I love Hunter's tough voice.

June 13, 2012 - 10:48pm — abreva

Respectfully,

Do not fight with Hunter.

Hunter is an excellent guide.

Hunter is a veteran.

Hunter is dedicated.

Hunter is of few words.

Hunter is not soft.

When Hunter tells it to you straight, it is in your best interest to listen.

When Hunter gives you a thumbs up, you know you are on the right track.

I value all the moderators here, and I love the tough voice of Hunter.

We are all on your side, beautifulM.

Abreva, I dont want to fight

June 13, 2012 - 11:24pm — beautifulmess

Abreva, I dont want to fight with Hunter. I am awful at NC, and first one to say so. sometimes I don't want to even say I am doing NC for fear that I am just going to break it. Maybe I should have been specific that it was only 2 days. But anyways I have no urge to break it this time. The NH told me he couldnt stand me..that he can't deal with my irrational pms once a month! I told him to go find a woman without a uterus or ovaries so when she complains how he treats her her complaint will be valid, I then told him I will not contact him again, and I haven't. This all came about when I stood up for myself and told him he had to tell his mommy he was seeing me.. First it was 3 days ST, which I happily did not fall into my usual constant texting, then he got MAD. Too bad. He makes me sick.

My booted out PD "husband".

June 13, 2012 - 4:34pm — Layla

When I booted him out, I forwarded all his mail and I guess he didn't like that so he "re-forwarded" it back to the house.

I was then forced to take it upon myself to re-forward his mail once again. This time I simply forward it to the garbage can.

I'm still waiting for the cops to come and arrest me.

: )

love~ Layla

You keep stating you are

June 12, 2012 - 3:34pm — Hunter

You keep stating you are NC..,

You might try NC and stop lying to yourself and us.,

That might be a good place to start.,

How do you know about this letter???

I guess one day when you have had enough you will listen.. Until them you keep finding letters of failure, men in his bed and one more new piece of validation as to the big lie this freak is!!

Hunter

Hunter? SERIOUSLY? I am NC!

June 12, 2012 - 5:18pm — beautifulmess

Hunter? SERIOUSLY? I am NC! The college sent this to my home last week. I REALLY do not appreciate being called a liar. I come here for support, I have no reason to lie to anyone here! I have been open about all my struggles with NC, and I have been strict NC, I have not texted, not even one peek at his facebook.. NOTHING! I don't like feeling like I have to defend myself! I am NOT a liar. I am struggling with heartbreak, pain, anger, confusion and to be called a liar on top of it really SUCKS! So THANKS! my husband convinces his family I am a nut, and now I am accused of being a liar at the one place where I felt I was around people who understand?? SERIOUSLY??

SERIOUSLY... I am very serious

June 12, 2012 - 7:06pm — Hunter

Opening his mail is contact.. Going to his house to find him with a partner is contact..
Answering texts is contact.. How do you know his family thinks your nuts? Yep,contact...

What exactly are you doing to heal..

Are you in Thearpy, are you reading? Are you working Lisa's steps ?? Just curious ..

You see my friend this is a process and if you don't work the process you' ll never move forward.,

I've done the work.. It's been 2 years .. A long Fucking 2 years.. But the outcome I can finally say was worth while.. Don't ever think for one minute I dont understand this pain..

Hunter

Ok Hunter, First of all since

June 12, 2012 - 7:55pm — beautifulmess

Ok Hunter, First of all since I need to defend myself here, I made it clear obviously weeks ago when I went to his house that I was in contact, yep I opened his mail last week, and yep I know his family thinks I am nuts because the MFN made it crystal clear that he was doing his best by his past one sided conversations with his family around to hear.. He actually started doing this before we split up. So I know this from PAST. I have therapy appt thurs morning 11am.. With a previous therapist that we both went to, one that told me to get away from him, that she felt he was dangerous. I chose this therapist for that very reason that she knows. So please do not assume that I am lying about being NC, because I struggle horribly, and if you must know I have been NC .. This is day 2.. It hurts like hell. I never claimed to be NC when I wasn't. So it's very hard when I am being strong, going to work with this ache in my heart, taking care of my kid.. Alone. I came on here to vent some of my anger. I dont know why I am so angry with his family, and it bothers me.. I shouldnt care what they think about me, but I do, and it hurts. So I am not lying.. And got to say it sucks to be called a liar.

I think therapy is a great

June 13, 2012 - 10:31pm — bluegirl

I think therapy is a great idea. I know for me writing it out helps, for others talking it out might be better.

You are fragile right now. I tried to start dating again just to see how far I had to go. Now that I think about those first two dates, I realize I was nowhere even close to being the normal me. It will take a little while after you begin no contact. It could take a long while. And yes, it is one of the hardest things you will go through, these first couple of weeks, and then later when he pops up again out of the blue. And he will.

Just reach out when you need help. There are people here who care, and they helped me through the worst night of my life, even though they didn't even know it at the time.

When people stop talking,

June 12, 2012 - 9:35pm — Hunter

When people stop talking, asking the hard questions they stop caring..

Food for thought...

Hunter

I don't care if hard

June 12, 2012 - 9:57pm — beautifulmess

I don't care if hard questions are asked, I will answer them.. With honestly, as painful as it may be..if I didn't want to them I just wouldn't be here on this site. Honestly I am so over sensitive, sick and tired of it all, I can't help but defend mysrelf when I am called a liar. I like to think I am honest, the NH is a pathological liar, I have been lied to.. Abused.. Called horrible names. So I dont mind the hard questions .. Sometimes that's what people need.. I get that. I just do not like and take offense to being called a liar when I am trying my hardest here.. When I am not lying. But hey thanks for helping me through day 2, because I am so upset at being callef a liar I haven't had the time to think about the asshole.

I have learned in my recovery

June 12, 2012 - 1:08pm — Done sourcing

I have learned in my recovery from this that my relationships with others don't define me anymore. I deserve all the good that comes to me when I let go of the results....I hold onto nothing. Resist nothing, and let the Narc do what she needs to do....but no response from me. Nothing in me for her to attach to anymore....that is freedom.

I was owned by the drama, and addicted to it...my thought life centered around her and what she did and thought, and how she acted and behaved. Not so anymore... I gave her back to the universe, and indifference to her drama is my freedom.

I've gone through this

June 12, 2012 - 8:42am — AngelaD

with my second husband(N#1) and my current husband (N#2). They are both pathological liars. I realized with N#1 that it doesn't matter what his family thinks. They are not my family anymore and even if I could talk to them, they are HIS family they will take his side (besides, a pathological liar will just lie his way out of everything anyway). With N#2, I have to accept that he is going to talk trash on me to our mutual friends, but if anyone believes him then I don't want them for friends anyway. The whole Karma thing and "helping" it along...don't worry about Karma she doesn't need your help. Karma is all about the Universe balancing out itself and your NH will experience his full Karma from his own actions. When it happens you will be proud in your knowledge that you didn't have to do a thing! There is no way that you will be able to have a single speck of guilt when Karma kicks him in the arse. I work at a University and the next step after academic probation is dismissal if he doesn't get his grades up. If his mommy knows about the AP, she might ride his butt about his grades next semester to the point that he works harder. I would just keep quiet and let him hang himself, academically.

I doubt he will even return

June 12, 2012 - 3:22pm — beautifulmess

I doubt he will even return to school, he tells everyone that he is taking online summer courses, but he is full of crap. It just pisses me off .. He has already blamed me for failing even though we have been separated since last semester started. It's MY fault because I texted him so much.. Apparently all the times he ignored me because he was " working" ( working on a bottle of vodka ) did him no good. I know he failed due to drinking, not going. His life was a mess like this until he met me.. His mom figured that he had his life on track so encouraged him to leave.. I told her this was going to happen and she didnt believe me.. and I know he lies about how well he is doing I want to throw it in her face! She thinks he is doing great.. Lol. I can still see the look of fury on her face when I told her he was going to fail.. Same as when I told her he spent 800 in one week getting drunk at a campground.. She said " I visited him at the campground and if he were drinking I WOULD KNOW IT!" even NH laughed about this because he didnt keep the bottles around for her to see. DUH! Right now I feel a lot of anger towards his mom.. I honestly don't know why I care so much. I guess I can take comfort in that now that I have NC in place he can take his shit out where it belongs.. She forgets what hell her life was before as his sister puts it .. I took on the burden of him. His sister who is now convinced that I am nuts! Yeah I am pretty angry! I should be angry at HIM. Oh .. And last week NH called me and told me I was going to be arrested if I went to his parents house??? WTF?? I never ever said I was going to their house! I have to think his mom was standing there and it was for her benefit.. To make me look crazy..

Bloody Good Riddance!!!!!

June 14, 2012 - 6:41am — florence (not verified)

I've re-read the posts and no-one including H is calling you 'a liar'. But you should embrace the pain and anger - find ways of letting them out that doesn't involve ANY form of contact with Mr Creepy. You do sound a bit obsessive about who says what and who thinks what - fuck the lot of them! Focus on YOU and YOUR life, not his sad excuse for one - it's NOT your prob. Congrats on 2 days NC - keep at it - breathe through the pain. I think it's a bit like having a bairn - bloody sore but well worth it. The birth of YOU. contact does equal pain. Eventually you will be completely indifferent and will not give a toss what anyone thinks. Flo

Yes, I agree I think and care

June 14, 2012 - 6:52am — beautifulmess

Yes, I agree I think and care far too much about unimportant things, obsessing? Yeah but it seems to get a little better each day, obsessing about the unimportant seems to take my mind off the more serious, really bad stuff. Therapy today.. Day 4.

Good for You!!

June 14, 2012 - 6:58am — florence (not verified)

Whatever works for you is great. Some people I've read on here keep journals, you know vent their spleen that way - but it's fine to do that on here too. Gawd knows I've ranted and raved from time to time (it beats kicking the poor old cat!) Anger is an important part of the process and isn't an emotion we usually feel so intensley - so it's difficult to know how to handle it. I've never seen a therapist - I tried cognitive behavioural therapy, which despite my initial cynicism - did actually make a big diff to the way I felt about myself, and encouraging me to re-establish boundaries the N had eroded. Feeling confident is a beautiful thing and has nothing to do with anger. I am aiming for UTTER indifference to My Creepy Pants. Good luck with the therapy - please let me know how you get on - I'd be really interested to know what the therapist suggests. Take car Flo xx

I meant care, not car - ha ha!

June 14, 2012 - 7:03am — florence (not verified)

Flo

Hunter is right...

June 12, 2012 - 8:39pm — TimeToHealXO

Cut your ties girly. You shouldn't even think about what he is telling his family and friends about you, because you KNOW they are all lies! His mail...regardless if it was sent to you or not, was addressed to HIM. Thus, you going through it means you are having contact with HIS personal life. YOU are going to READ personal things about him. In order to have NC..it means...NO CONTACT. Regardless of whether or not it was there. If my ex-N had mail at my house I would toss that shit in the garbage. WHY? Because I could give a flying eff if it was a death notice. He is out of MY life. It is time for us women on this site to live OUR lives and forget this stupid assbags who think they control our lives. SO...with that said...please do not get upset with Hunter or anyone on this site because it is just tough love. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! Hunter has been there or she would not be a mod on this site!! We are here to help each other..Hunter is just giving you tough love because she knows deep down, you have the ability to end this misery you have been living. She knows you can do it. It is just a matter of YOU making the choice to do it.

So...don't read any of his mail, don't engage with any of his family members because they are all probably nuts too. They say, apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Remember that. My ex-N's parents are full blown narcs. Actually, it seems as though their ENTIRE family is...so as of now, since i UNDERSTAND the craziness...I could give a rats ass if they think i belong in a mental institution because I know that i am a beautiful person inside and out, just like YOU and every single woman or man on this site. So please...don't get upset with Hunter. She is trying to guide you and the rest of us in the right direction..You can do this...just forget that scumbag and move on!!

XOXO

Ok, Sorry but Hunter is not

June 12, 2012 - 9:35pm — beautifulmess

Ok, Sorry but Hunter is not right this time, I never claimed to be NC last week. I am NOT lying! I have been NC for 2 days, 2 lousy days! I have been reading, doing everything I can to stay NC, I come on here to vent a little, to say I am angry, I KNOW I shouldn't care what anyone thinks but I can't help feeling the way I do, that I am hurt, that does not mean I deserve to be called a liar. I put up with being called names by the NH for years I really don't need it here too! Again.. It came last week.. I opened it last week. I have never claimed to be NC when I wasn't. In fact I come on here and say when I have broken NC, I come on here when I am in contact and. Then when I have been strict NC for 2 days and say so I am called a liar?? Sure Hunter is trying to help.. But it is not helping when you unfairly assume someone is lying.

Trust me, I know its hard.

June 13, 2012 - 10:28pm — bluegirl

Trust me, I know its hard. It is especially hard not to try to defend your integrity when they are telling everyone lies about you. It still bothers me that a large number of people think I'm crazy. My friends may not understand, but they have never failed to be there for me.

Really, the people who believe this were not friends of mine previously, and I finally decided I don't really care what they think. The people who really know the real me know I am a good, giving, caring and loving person, who was pushed to the edge.

Bluegirl, thank you! I can't

June 13, 2012 - 11:10pm — beautifulmess

Bluegirl, thank you! I can't bring myself to talk about the REAL crap I have been through.. It's too painful. I dont know why it bothers me so much about his mom. Perhaps it's because I feel I had to do her job instead of getting to be a wife. I know it doesn't really matter. A couple months before we split up he started doing the one sided phone conversations.. While he was with his mom.. I would be on the other end and talking normally and he would be saying things like " calm down.. Ok you need to relax!! Stop it! " acting like we were arguing .. His mom was convinced I was on the other end yelling at him.. For nothing. Mostly this was to convince her that we were fighting.. So she started lying for him.. Covering up that he was cashing his check.. He would tell her that he didnt want me to know he got his check because he needed to hold on to it in case I locked him out?? I think he was spending it on drugs. After I threw him out.. He started doing it again.. Only with his sister.. He would call me from her cell.. I would call him back and he would scream at me "why are u calling me on my sisters phone !?!? I told you not to call me!! .. You better not come near my sisters house!! Stay away from my sisters house!!" meanwhile I am on my end saying what are you talking about? YOU called ME! He would call me everyday saying he was going to come get his stuff, he needed his coat it was cold blah blah. So After a week of it .. I nicely folded his stuff packed it dropped it on his sisters porch and was SCREAMED at that I was told to not go near his sisters house. I have been reading and learning and really feel sick to my stomach that this man I loved so much could be such a psycho.. I thought he was bi-polar and wanted him to get help. But the more I read the clearer it is.. MFN.

I know! Mine had been

June 13, 2012 - 11:19pm — bluegirl

I know! Mine had been setting me up for weeks to be portrayed as the crazy one. The truth is, I CRINGE when I think of all those texts I sent while he was in the ignoring me phases. Why could I not STOP myself? He never answered them, and they just proved to the world that i was crazy. I'll admit it. By the end he made me crazy. You don't know HOW crazy, but I did and said things I didn't think I was capable of doing. I almost got arrested, and I eventually ended up in the hospital. Yep, it was a pretty rough transition.

I was SO raw and so tender that I couldn't handle any sort of criticism or rejection, which was terrible because I was still interviewing for jobs. I must have looked a mess at some of those interviews, not matter how hard I tried to hide it.

I stopped talking to my friends who didn't really understand the situation about him, and re-discovered my first love - writing. I finally understood what I had just been through, and I found that only people who had been through the situation had a real understanding that this is not like a normal breakup. It was calculated, well-planned and well-executed mental abuse and brainwashing. They didn't understand why I wasn't getting over it. I can't tell you how many times I was told to just get out in the sunshine, like that was going to fix everything in my life.

Instead of ruminating over the fact that a large number of people think I'm crazy and dangerous (rolling eyes), and I am just putting that aside and sticking with the people who know better. I am also trying to get everything in my life together, which is stressful because it is all hitting at the same time, a lot of it this week. There is only so much one person can handle, and I'm at that limit this week, but if (cross that out, old thinking) WHEN I make it through, it has to go uphill from there.

Do you even know what NC Is???

June 13, 2012 - 4:09pm — goldie

Most of us do NOT when we first make it to the forum.

GIVE ME A BREAK. There are people on here practically DYING from the effects of their narcs behavior towards them: (rape, physical abuse, severe health issue's, attempts made on their lives, and financial devastation) and their addiction to the Narc, and you go on and on and on about being called a liar. Would you care to hear more about the REAL troubles some of our members are having right now??? I won't tell you because it is private, but I am sure you can imagine if you look outside of yourself for a minute.

WHEN NO ONE CALLED YOU A LIAR.

IT WAS SIMPLY SUGGESTED THAT YOU ARE NOT COMPLETELY NC and you were not. So you are now, so great, Hunter was talking about the whole time, NOT JUST the past 2 days.

Get OVER it and move on.

I come on here everyday, trying to help others who still suffer from their PD. My finances are still in the toilet. My roof is leaking water all over my bed, my mortgage is behind 2 months every month, I have no extra money to do anything, I have not had my hair done or been on a vacation in years, due to my Narc robbing me blind. ECT....that's just for starters, do you want to hear more???

Do YOU HEAR ME complaining about any of this???

NO, because I am GRATEFUL for what I do have, an opportunity to help others who still suffer.

I do NOT like coming on here and watching my fellow moderators criticized who are only trying to HELP YOU.

So WAKE UP and aprreciate ALL the beautiful comments which YOU DO receive and like HUNTER said, her asking the questions, PROVES she cares.

Would you prefer to be ignored and allowed to kid yourself with your STILL apparent obsession to the Narc with NO FEEDBACK??

WE are ALL still obsessed with our narcs when we get here, NOT JUST YOU. This is the nature of cognative dissonance.

NOW STOP. I believe you have said 5 times in this post that you were called a LIAR and YOU WERE NOT.

I think that is enough venting for one post.

MOVE ON from it and be GRATEFUL for all of the attention you are receiving from women who have been there and CLEARLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

You can nurse this petty wound and run away, I am sure the Narc offended you FAR MORE than this thread did, OR YOU can forget about it and get back on track with YOUR RECOVERY and the loving community which we have here.

God bless,
Goldie

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