I've been having such a hard time lately and feel that this forum is always the best place to turn. Last D & D was 2 months ago now...I've been NC and N has not tried to contact me (he never has..this would show weakness and he must always be in control)...I know I'm having a hard time moving on because I got sucked back in with the lies of how much he loved me and wanted to work it out...until BOOM, I started holding him accountable and he igored/silent treatment, with no final talk or this is over...just nothing...was I not even worth a goodbye? Why do I feel like the only one who has never been hoovered because he could care less? I don't want a hoover because I want to be with him again...I just want some of my dignity back so that I can be the one to say FU!! He has always been the one to reject me and I would like that opportunity...I know that keeps me stuck, but I think this was his way of having control even in the end...he knew how much I hated silent treatment...I also know that he is dating other women and "has happily moved on" according to a friend...this also stabs me in the heart because I am still walking around feeling like I've been hit by a mack truck...I want to let all this go, but it is so hard to realize you meant/mean nothing to someone who had you believe they did for 2 years and wanted to marry you...I seem to only remember the good, which was really good, and I'm afraid I will never get over him because of this...has anyone ever felt so desparate to move on, but just can't seem to shake the good memories and the cruelty of the end? How do I get to indifference and turn the focus on myself?