christy_jayne's story

CJ's unfinished story.

So, I don't add people as friends on Facebook unless I know them, knew them once, OR if they're artists of some sort because I love to support the arts. He friended me and I thought he was an artist because he'd had his artwork as his profile pic. Few days later he introduced himself to me, telling me I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, blahblahblah, and we started to develop, what I thought was, a friendship. I told him all about me, how I hated drama, lies, etc., and how I wasn't available, as I did not date people from the internet. He agreed with everything I'd said, but said we were perfect for eachother, as his divorce had left a bad taste in his mouth, and all he cared about was happiness and his son. Eventually, his charm won me over as he told me that I "might as well go out with him, or he'd bug me every day until I did." At the time I thought that was cute. He was well off, he wined and dined me every night that the mother had his son, he gave me gifts and drew pictures of me and I was already pretty confident in myself, but he made me feel like a goddess. Pretty soon, the baby-mama-drama from hell began. She'd show in the middle of the night, with the baby asleep in the carseat, blocking my car in the driveway so I couldn't get out, and she'd scream at him as he kept trying to walk away from her, and since I hate drama, I'd go sit in my car although I could still hear them, and I just 'consoled him' after she'd leave, reminding him that she was just hurt, while he'd apologize to me repeatedly about 'how crazy' she was. This happened numerous times, and once she even tried to attack me but the narc 'saved me' from her. I found out that night they were still married and she laughed so hard. I'd already fallen in love with him at this point, but his excuse for lying was because he WAS going through a divorce and he couldn't risk losing someone as beautiful as me when his marriage would've been over soon anyway. I was so in love with him. And all the signs, I'd already seen, but just didn't know.
Three years and many times of my moving cross-country due to severe emotional AND physical abuse and d&d, and many thousands of lies and women later, and several miscarried pregnancies (one of which cost me a fallopian tube and nearly cost my life), he is still married. His wife is several states away, but I'm convinced they will never divorce, as I'm sure it's just another hold he has on HER. The narc and I split @ the beginning of April but unfortunately still live together because we no longer make the money we did, and cannot afford to live separately, and this is not an excuse. He works days, I work nights, so we rarely see eachother, except when he wants sex, which he doesn't get. Although I've had problems with NC before- not this time. Now that I know WHAT he is, he will not know where I live when I go, I will change my number I've had forever, and I'm hoping to change jobs soon as well. Wish me luck, because the stuff in between the beginning and end of this story is ridiculously painful, as I'm sure you all know. No one else knows, as I am the Queen of Denial- I make excuses for everything and everybody, myself included, and I'd never want anyone else to think that I might be unhappy. My family ALWAYS hated the narc because of his complete lack of respectfulness, and they knew that I was not in blissville, but just ridiculed me for my 'bad decision making'. They even stopped talking to me after multiple photos in the middle of the nights were sent by the narc, of inappropriate things, and he'd say, "You better come get her before the police do!" I wasn't even doing anything wrong. But he tried to convince me that my family hated me, his family hated me, my friends all hated me, even his child. The fact of the matter, is that I just didn't hang out with my friends as much anymore because I had too much to hide, I guess.
The narc and I haven't been Facebook friends in years because he got tired of all his indiscretions hurting my feelings, but he drunkenly went to bed one night and left it open, so when I got home from work, I dove right in. I KID YOU NOT, HUNDREDS of requests to pretty girls, all with the same line, "You're a rockstar baby!! I couldn't pass up your pic without telling you that you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Over and over, message after message, one right after the other. I think that was the final straw for me. I was so disgusted. Girls from Christian dating sites and random girls on facebook and girls from sex sites. OMG, it was so gross. I was one of those girls. He came at me with the same exact approach three years ago, and I was one of the ones who bought it. He's even posted craigslist ads for strangers to come hang out at the amusement parks with him and his son, and I knew it was him, and was right. Making matters worse is that now that people know I am single, they want my attention, and I don't feel like now nor ever will I be able to give it to them. I feel like the narc has robbed me of everything, and it makes me so sad, and I am so angry with myself for this!
Again, wish me luck. Pray, chant, wish, hope. Whatever you can do. And I'll do the same for you.