Help really want to call him!

Help really want to call him!
Posted June 9, 2012 - 3:36pm
0

My husband soon to be ex left me for another women. He is living with her and her 18 month and 5 year old. It has been 7 weeks and the only time he has for our boys is for 2 hrs on the weekend. He is still telling the boys (11 & 14) that he is living with his mom. They no nothing about the OW. It is so hard to hear my boys talk to him on the phone...I was with him for 22 years and he was my best friend. My head knows he is no good but my heart misses him. Help,I want to call him so bad.Do u think I should tell my boys about OW or not?

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abreva's picture

When to tell the kids.

June 9, 2012 - 5:36pm — abreva

"Do u think I should tell my boys about OW or not?"

I had a different situation than you -- but at some point it was REALLY clear to me that I needed to tell my very young children that their father and I would not be living together ever again, and that they would be with their dad sometimes and me others, and that we were divorcing.

When it was clear that it was time, I immediately sat them down and told it straight.

It was a good moment for the 3 of us.

I would say Trust Your Gut.

Brit's picture

calling up a narc

June 9, 2012 - 5:09pm — Brit

Please try not to call him. What would it achieve for you? He's moved out and on. He may regret his choosing to leave you and his own boys in his own time, but nothing you can say at this time will influence his decision because he wants to be in control and make his own decisions. You may be able to pull the heartstrings of someone with compassion, but he probably doesn't have that. This is all about him and what he wants. It always is.

Focus on being strong for yourself and your boys. At some point they will learn what their father is and what he has done. You must master your own pain and they will follow your lead.

His actions are that of a truly selfish man. Don't settle for the crumbs that he may choose to throw your way. Make a decision to put yourself first. I know it's hard to break habits of a lifetime and to feel devalued and discarded, but he is all about getting a buzz with new OW. Leave him with it and hope he rots, don't give him anything else. He will see your call as fine attention and quite frankly he should have none of it from you now.

He deserves nothing from you. You need to concentrate on your path forward, please don't go back, it will only cause you more pain. These men just thrive on our pain and heartbreak, sick people, run off into the sunset with not a care for those they leave behind.

It's hard not to reach out, but from experience of those that have done this, we know it just causes more hurt. If you must, then you must, but it will only lead to more pain for you. Try to process what he has done and you may realize and believe that you are infact better off without him.

You are on this site for a reason and like us all I guess that you are struggling, but seriously life is much easier without a narc to suck all the joy out. It just takes time to get there.

Brit x

Smrem's picture

Thank you

June 9, 2012 - 5:19pm — Smrem

Brit thank you for your wise words. For some reason I forget all I have read and heard and only focus on wanting to try to return things as they used to be,even though there were lots of bad times.this forum is wonderful and I am so glad I found it! Again thank you all who have spent their time in extending a helping hand.
Smrem

Brit's picture

Smrem

June 9, 2012 - 5:53pm — Brit

I agree this site is wonderful, it's full to the brim with people that have kindness and understanding with the wisdom to share because we all know first hand the suffering a narc brings.

Impossible as it seems at the time, we all find contentment in our lives after a while.

We are all brainwashed and manipulated without even knowing it and yearn for the way of life we have been conditioned to accept. That life is toxic and doesn't bring happiness. Remove the toxin (it takes a while to be gone completely from our system), but then life does get sweeter and far less stressful.

Make a list of the bad things you endured, it will remind you never to go back.

Brit x

goldie's picture

Call? Why?

June 9, 2012 - 4:05pm — goldie

What is the pupose of the call? If he has only been with her for 7 weeks and has not told them yet, why?

Obviously if they are together longer, they will need to know Why confuse and upset them now, they have been through enough for now.

They must have noticed that you and Narc do not get along, does anyone get along with a Narc? I don't know how you could. Tell them what they need to know and no more. They need to adjust and heal too. If they ask you specific questions, deal with them as they come up.

The better you are doing the better they will be doing.

God bless,
Goldie

Smrem's picture

We did not fight

June 9, 2012 - 4:53pm — Smrem

Goldie we did not fight he told our boys that "he has struggled for years to be married to your mother and I just can't do it anymore" I
Knew he was selfish but I never saw how bad he really was and how dishonest he was. I don't understand how I could still want him after knowing he cheated on me at least three time and is now sleeping with a women who left her husband for him.

Janie53's picture

Smrem

June 9, 2012 - 4:03pm — Janie53

I'm sorry you have been treated so poorly. Please don't call him; there is nothing to be gained. Also, I would not tell your kids about the OW. They need to make their own decisions about their father. It will only be used against you and will also cause your kids pain.

Take good care of yourself and your kids will follow your lead.
Please don't call him, switch the focus to you and be true to yourself.

Love Janie

Deidre99's picture

Don't call. What's there to

June 9, 2012 - 3:53pm — Deidre99

Don't call. What's there to say?

Anari's picture

don't you'll feel worse. take

June 9, 2012 - 3:44pm — Anari

don't you'll feel worse. take it from me - broken contact after 10 mos. don't.