Help! I let him back in!

Help! I let him back in!
Posted June 9, 2012 - 11:51am
0

I can't believe how stupid I have been. I was doing so well and then I let him back into my life and now the pain has happened again and I've started obsessing again. Why can't I just let go? He takes up my whole mind and it is driving me crazy. Really needing some help here :-(

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Deidre99's picture

Often times, what happens

June 9, 2012 - 1:27pm — Deidre99

Often times, what happens within toxic relationships such as one with a narcissist, is we lose our identities. We become only what they see. Therefore, over time, we actually don't even know who we are anymore, waiting for him to tell us who we are.

That's what's pretty much happening. You seek his approval...still. His validation of you as a beautiful, worthwhile woman...still.

NC will 'cure' you of this. If you do the work as Hunter mentions. It requires more than changing your number and blocking the guy. It requires you to take an inventory of what's happened to you during this whole process. Why you tolerate abuse, and still go back for more. IN THAT, will begin your healing. But, NC will bring it about for you, if you do it.

* Don't talk to friends about him
* Block him on facebook if you're on there
* Change your number
* Throw away pictures, and anything from him.

Only then, will your head clear for you to see that there is light at the end of this tunnel.

You can do this!

Hunter's picture

I'm sorry what help are you

June 9, 2012 - 12:03pm — Hunter

I'm sorry what help are you looking for??

Block him and go NC.. This is not a game..work is required..

Do you have Lisa's book..

Hunter

Rozzo100's picture

Just need someone to talk to

June 9, 2012 - 12:11pm — Rozzo100

Just need someone to talk to who understands. It seems all he can do is play games with me. No, I don't have Lisa's book - think I need to get it to give me the strength to keep up the NC. Why is it so hard to let go of this person?

TruthbeginsToday's picture

We are all at different stages

June 9, 2012 - 3:04pm — TruthbeginsToday

We are all at different stages of understanding the DISORDERED.

It took several shocks for me to believe how sick my exN/P was.

I was so confused back when I left him and couldn't sort it all out. I did not understand him...I couldn't make sense of it..but I tried and tried and it nearly drove me nuts.

Now that I know more about the sickness...life with him makes more sense. HE IS SICK and he isn't special. He is a typically disordered man and I can't change that or the things he did to cause me harm. What I can do is CONFIDENTLY KNOW that he is sick and KNOW that I want NO part of it EVER again. I had to learn, learn about things that I didn't know existed and learn how to deal with this reality...and look at myself and what made me a N magnet in order to move forward.

I can change how I deal with the disordered and so can you.

I need to be away from them.I need to heal while I'm learning.I'm worth it and SO ARE YOU.

You mention needing strength...you will find it here. Read, post, vent, read, cry, read, post, vent but stay NC please for your own safety and sanity.

It gets better.

Janie53's picture

Razzo

June 9, 2012 - 2:23pm — Janie53

Sorry you are having a hard time. It is really important to fully understand this disorder. Please download Lisa's book; it will really help you see why this is so difficult. You are not alone by any means; most everyone on this forum has struggled with NC. I know you want to get past this so start reading for knowledge is power.

Hang in there and stay true to you!

Janie

abreva's picture

Maybe you should read more of our posts

June 9, 2012 - 1:32pm — abreva

Really imagine what kind of hell these psychopaths put us through when they marry us and we have their children -- and then when we divorce and deal with custody.

Really. Please get real about the cost.

Be grateful that walking completely away is a real option for you. Gratitude.

With love and respect,

Abreva

lostmyself's picture

Rozzo

June 9, 2012 - 12:53pm — lostmyself

I understand how you are feeling. NC and letting go is difficult. However, speaking from my short time of NC (a bit over 6 weeks), I will tell you it gets better and better. I'm starting to get myself back. I actually feel like socializing and laughing with people. The old me is starting to come through, and it feels fantastic. I think one breaks NC because the pain feels so unbearable that we want to do whatever we can to lessen that pain. What you need to remember is doing that will cause more pain in the long run. You want to be able to heal from this as quickly as possible. Breaking NC will only hinder your progress every time. Nothing good can come out of it. Try to keep busy. Force yourself to be around people. Having a few hours of laughter will help you realize that you can be happy without him. In due time, you won't think about him at all. In fact, you will probably start thinking to yourself, "why did I want him so much...he's not that special."