extremely quick to move on!

extremely quick to move on!
Posted June 9, 2012 - 4:38am
1

Ive posted before about my situation, the guy I have been involved with I have given numerous chances to and over the past 6 months I have helped him a lot with some severe problems he has faced.

a week and a half ago I told him I didnt agree with some of the posts he was writing on social networking sites, his repsonse was to end our relationship via text....these posts were mainly things about how great he is and on one occasion over 30 women 'liked' and remarked how they would love to find a man just like him. (Im sat thinking to myself yeah, if you can handle him sleeping with a colleagues wife, lying to you and being ungrateful of your help and support)...

we havent spoken since then and I took the bold step of changing my number.I sat thinking to myself perhaps ive been harsh and wanted to cry inside when I thought of how its gone.So last might i contacted him......
He acted as though he didnt even know id changed my number. Worse is, that it turns out today (less then 2 weeks) he is moving into a house with another woman. This woman he says is a "friend" and he dosent think of her as anything else. But nonetheless!!! When we were together he promised me the world, kids, a house etc. Yet couldnt actually move in with me?!! Im still in shock that in such a short space of time, someone can just line up others!

I know I have to move on with my life but im shocked!

‹ Trying to go NC and having a really hard time. Bargaining ›
Hunter's picture

They take, take take.. My

June 10, 2012 - 1:00pm — Hunter

They take, take take.. My guess it's her house and she's paying..

Honey,Garbage belongs at the curb..

Hunter

Reason2Believe's picture

Amazing isn't it?

June 10, 2012 - 11:54am — Reason2Believe

7 years and a lot of ups, downs, promises, broken dreams, etc. 6 weeks after the D &D, I saw xn at a mutual friend' baby 's christening. We were " cordial " under the circumstances, and he asked what I was going to do with all of the space in my house after my son and granddaughter move out. Knowing him, he was hinting to see if I would ask him to move in and give him one more chance. I told him I was going to enjoy my privacy.

Later that night, he wrote on FB " time for a new plan" ... And a few days later was dating an ex from 12 years ago. Yep, that's all I was for the past 7 years..." a plan" . I hate the fucker.

Reason

goldie's picture

He's a playa no doubt

June 9, 2012 - 5:20pm — goldie

Takers take and givers give. That was your arrangement according to him. You had other idea's. You cannot change him into something or someone who he is not.

He '"gets off" on attention of many women and this is the life of a playa.

Whether he is moving in with this woman as a "friend" or a gf, makes no difference to him, he'll get sex from her and play her as well.

He took from you because he needed something and you were willing to give it. His lie's were a part of his con in order to get you to do what he wanted.

Contacting him is only going to bring more pain into your life. You need to cut your losses and heal from the pain of his con.

He will be back if you allow him to come and go as he pleases and take from you at will.

Your call, he has shown you who he is, NOW believe him.

He is exactly who he has shown you he is.

God bless,
Goldie

abreva's picture

Shock -- This too shall pass. And you will LAUGH.

June 9, 2012 - 5:08pm — abreva

You are shocked, for now.

This shock will pass.

You will come to see this moment as an ongoing pattern in his (and all of their) disordered behavior, and you will come to thank your lucky stars that you are free of him and others like him.

You are learning to see the patterns, and you will come to see them as REASSURING signs.

For now you are shocked & this too shall pass.

For now you are shocked, but you will learn to laugh about it.

I hope that you are done with him. The sooner you are done, the sooner you will laugh.

Deidre99's picture

At one point, I was on a site

June 9, 2012 - 2:30pm — Deidre99

At one point, I was on a site ...like a message board thing...with my ex N. I had to go off there for a while, so as not to see the nonsense he was writing about me...and the nonsense he was writing to get me to break NC.

NC requires you to eliminate anything that could impede healing.

I fell during the early stages of NC, too, last year. It happens. I think that you just have to get back at it, and stay focused. It takes time to process who you were dealing with, what just happened, and how you fell prey to it.

Time, patience, and hard work will get you there. The cataylst being NC.

You can do this. But, truly...stay away from that site if you can, because he will toy with you through it. Trust me. ;)

wiserwoman's picture

I feel your shock

June 9, 2012 - 7:52am — wiserwoman

It IS astonishing how quickly they move on once they decide they can't 'milk' you anymore.
My exnh's mask has completely come off now and what I see disgusts me. And when I say disgusts me, I mean he truly makes me feel nauseous.
Like yours, mine moved on within two weeks. After years of bulls**t and lies and brainwashing about religion and marriage ties and never being able to be with anyone else-----well, it seems I wasn't THAT hard to replace! Any woman will do!
I don't know why I feel so sick. After all, I've had all the warnings from this website for the past 8 months. I knew that Narcs were capable of this kind of behaviour and that they follow a pattern like this, but when it really happens......well, it's pretty horrific. EVEN WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING IT. And I guess, horrible immoral self-serving behaviour is simply that - horrible immoral self-serving behaviour. And it HURTS. A LOT. And a great part of me finds it SCARY. I really do. It's monstrous and not normal, and my brain finds it hard to believe that another person can be so freakishly selfish.
[And yes, I also heard for years about how lucky I was to be with him, how many women wanted to be with him, how I was his special chosen one etc... - it's so pathetic now when I write it to you. It's embarrassing.] I don't know, I guess we just thank god we're not still trying to live through the madness - just trying to recover from it. I for one am happy to have the blinders off and see him for what he really is, than still be trying to figure out why I couldn't make him happy.
hugs, still sad though

florence's picture

Scrambled Eggs

June 9, 2012 - 4:50am — florence (not verified)

As Hunter would say! And the other thing to remember - 'if their lips are moving, they're lying'... Trust your gut instinct - which is this guy is definitely a wrong 'un, isn't it? I mean what 'normal' person behaves like that? It takes time to get over what you wanted to be true - the illusion. The mask has slipped and you see what's underneath and it ain't pretty - yes shocking. I know it's hard but remember all sources of supply are interchangable to these freaks. And from what you said, sounds like he still has you lined up as a ready source so DON'T BE! I know it's a hassle, but change number again - or if you're in the UK, try BT's 'choose to refuse' - that way you keep your number, and you can block unwanted numbers - only costs 3 quid something - well worth it. Don't beat yourself up, stay strong and read more. Count yourself lucky you didn't get landed with him - ie house/marriage/kids. FLO xx

Bluefox30's picture

Thanks Flo..when I caved in

June 9, 2012 - 5:33am — Bluefox30

Thanks Flo..when I caved in and contacted it was via email, so thankfully he dosent have my number. He was just like "oh hi, how are you, why couldnt you text me this? then told me about who he was moving in with. Like he dosent even care! the added thing that makes this more painful is 6 months ago he was severely injured and i drove 100s of miles to visit him in hospital and stood by him...some where in my foolish brain I thought showing him loyalty and love and the support of my parents and rest of my family (his are unreliable) might make him see what is important in life. Its true as much as I hurt and cry, that everything we had was an illusion,I somehow cannot imagine him being a devoted husband and father.

lessonlearned's picture

of course!

June 9, 2012 - 9:50am — lessonlearned

of course he told you about the woman he's moving in with! he LOVES to see you squirm & get upset. the next step is to tell you how much you mean to him & that she's "just a friend," which he also did in textbook fashion. so in this way, he injures you (PUSH) & then immediately after reassures you (PULL). and now you feel horrible & are in a state of despair & shock, wondering what is true & what isn't, & feeling a little guilty that you might have been "mean" to him.

here's my two cents: F*CK HIM! you don't need another second of your precious life to be wasted on this manipulative, lying, disordered a-hole!

this is why NC is so important. every single time you have contact with him, it's an opportunity for him to play with your emotions & leave you confused, hurt, & feeling sickened. how is that good for you? it's not! but it's sure good for him! you'd better believe that he was on cloud 9 after your email exchange, & i'd bet a pile of $$$ that he then went directly to his "just a friend" new supply & had a roll in the hay with her, because this is what they do!

are you done with him? block him, delete him, NC NC NC NC NC. it is for YOU & YOUR HEALING. you need the space away from him so that your emotions & thoughts can begin to settle. if you feel that you want to contact him, post on here instead!

you are worth so much more than the poisoned crumbs this guy is tossing at you. get rid of him for good.

florence's picture

Hindsight

June 9, 2012 - 5:52am — florence (not verified)

Is a wonderful thing. You don't have a foolish brain - you have a warm heart and are prepared to stand by those you care about. Back when you visited poor Mr N in hospital, you were probably still in 'the fog', so don't feel foolish. These men (and women sometimes, but not so often) are skilled manipulators and excellent at spotting likely targets - ie, anyone who is taken in by the 'poor me, I need help and support' and who never speak up and ask for their needs to be met too (as in normal relationships). I had the same issue - never feeling confident to say 'no' in case I messed everything up. That's because I'd lost track of who I was, what I wanted and what my boundaries are. I actually had a few sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy - not for all but I recommend, as it gets you to question WHY you think you have to be so compliant and encourages firmness & assertiveness. Feeling confident that you can say what you feel without fear of rejection by a significant other is I believe the cornerstone of ANY healthy relationship - and that's what we all deserve in life. I know it's hard - give yourself time to heal. Focus on YOU spend time with those that you know care about you and not people who just want to use you and abuse you. Flox

Bluefox30's picture

ive noticed his speciality

June 10, 2012 - 2:47am — Bluefox30

ive noticed his speciality seems to be to say that he cant be with me as it was just too "difficult" and blame me...then in the next sentence say "but I still love you!" and ask me what im up to and what im doing...Just such an arrogant destructive piece of work! Ive read on this site and others for quite a while about N's but I guess I clung to the hope that he couldnt really do something this cruel.. when I see my friends happy with the guys they are with and knowing I wasted my time on him...it gets me inside. But its funny, I was actually speaking to someone who has known the N since their childhood days yesterday. He said no doubt he will mess his new arrangement up by sleeping with his "friend" and then also wanting to see different women and making out she is "psycho" if she gets fed up.....Definitely sticking to No Contact for me from now on!!x

florence's picture

Good for You!!

June 10, 2012 - 5:04am — florence (not verified)

Sounds like you're well on your way out of the fog - but stay on your guard - trust me they don't give up easily - particularly if you've been such good supply in the past (that's ALL they care about). Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would also steer clear of anyone that will intentionally or otherwise feed you info on this creep. They may or may not know it, but it isn't going to help your recovery and just makes you waste precious brainpower on the whole mess even more. Just politely explain that it doesn't help to hear things about him and please just stop. If they haven't got anything else constructive to say to you, then they clearly don't have your best interests at heart - especially if they are an 'old friend' of the Narc. Trust me, they don't have 'friends' in the normal sense of the word, old or otherwise. You're doing really well, stay strong and true to you. If you are overcome by a deed to vent - do it on here. Take care. Flo xx