Bargaining

Bargaining
Posted June 8, 2012 - 11:21pm
0

Because he has blocked me on Facebook and his phone, I am forced into No Contact. He told his friend that it was only for a while, though, until I got over him (i.e. until I'm not angry at him anymore).

Closed down my fake Facebook account I used to stalk his public profile, and it's now Day 2 of really, truly No Contact.

I find myself thinking, if only I was much thinner, more sociable, more talkative, more accomplished in my photography and film making, then he'd find me acceptable. Whereas I was only good enough for a fling in my current state. Even though I know he is not the right guy for me, he is lacking the empathy chip, too old, his habits are so unhealthy...... my mind goes forward into the future, where we meet up again, I am beautiful and successful, and finally we make a go of it properly......

Even though he has flatly said, "You are not the right person for me"....

Going through some hipstamatic photos I took last year, which I shared on Facebook, many of which he liked, I am getting nostalgic for the laughs we had.

Bloody hell! When will my brain stop thinking of him all the time?

‹ extremely quick to move on! The Whole Picture (long) ›
abusednomore's picture

If i were u I would

June 10, 2012 - 10:35am — abusednomore

If i were u I would deactivate ur proper facebook page, start up another from scratch and block him!!!!! haha! he will have the shock of his life when he goes to unblock u and find that account has already been deactivated. Control in ur hands! haha!!!!xxxxxx

Reason2Believe's picture

Kollontai77

June 10, 2012 - 8:33am — Reason2Believe

He was right about one thing...you are not the right person for him...you are far TOO GOOD for him and he knows it.

Listen...I am successful, bright, good looking, fit,funny, companionate, own a beautiful home, my own business, travel, have great friends, close family, beautiful grandchildren, wonderful health..am truly blessed. Wanna Be fits into "none of the above" category.

This, I am discovering, was too much for WB. In our 7 years, he never felt comfortable in " my world" and did his best to make me feel like shit by breaking up 7 times. Each of those times either preceded or was shortly after something "good" for me was happening. The first time was 2 days before my granddaughter's 1 st birthday. I look back at pictures of that day and I look like a zombie. I was in shock and wondering WTF just happened and why? It should have been a wonderful day and I barely remember being there. I can document similar situations for each additional breakup. What a mind fucker he is. I hate him.

So please, do not feel inadequate...in fact, it is quite the opposite and they know it. Take great care of you and continue to improve your life...but do it for you. He deserves no part of your life. They are all losers, users and abusers.

hugs,

Reason

Janie53's picture

Kollontai

June 9, 2012 - 8:06am — Janie53

Sorry you are feeling so awful and confused. This is very common at the beginning of NC. I would recommend reading Lisa's books, the favorites section in forum 1-3, which is full of helpful information and all the blogs posted on this site. You need to fully understand this disorder to move forward; forum motto-knowledge is power! As you start your education on NPD, look up cognitive dissonance, it will help explain what you are feeling right now.

The commitment in this journey is to yourself. Start reading and stay close to the forum. Take extra good care of yourself! You can do this and deserve true happiness.

Stay true to you!
Janie

florence's picture

Validation

June 9, 2012 - 4:17am — florence (not verified)

Deirdre's right you know - for some reason we seek this from the kind of men that frankly aren't fit to scrub our dirty undies. It's a paradox. You think you're not 'attractive' or 'good' enough for HIM, when in fact the reverse is actually true! I don't understand the psychology behind it - but the important thing to remember is that if you continue to be always seeking approval/validation and do not learn to love & have faith in yourself, then you will continue to be ideal fodder for narcissistic psychopaths, sociopaths, weirdos generally. Get real luv - life's too short and you clearly are a creative sort so get out there and be YOU! Flo xx

LindsayM's picture

I bargained....

June 9, 2012 - 10:18pm — LindsayM

When my ex left me I thought why,why,why? I bargained with myself and said well maybe if I had the money he wouldn't of left me I mean after all she is rich! She has the nice house the nice clothes, buys all of her jewelry from Tiffany's I can see why he left me for her....... Pathetic old me lives from paycheck to paycheck lives with her brother and sister is paying student loans other expenses and then I realizes hello I am lucky I have a job number one yes it isn't a great job but it's a job and yes I live with my brother and sister so what? My narc ex lived with his father and was in his 30's and he always dissed me so really he had nooooo room to talk about me living with my brother and sister and if he only cared about where someone lived and how much they made then that's pretty pathetic! Life is too short too worry about why it happened I found that out when my ex left me and I realized it is his loss and yes it hurts believe me but remember it is their loss! One day you will be saying Narc ex who??

Deidre99's picture

It takes time. This is all

June 8, 2012 - 11:41pm — Deidre99

It takes time. This is all very raw, right now.

Many of us here have sought validation in men. All men. Frankly, it's a pathetic myth that's passed around the world that women should always be seeking validation from men. On the covers of magazines...'how to please your man every night.' 'how to be thinner' 'how to look younger' (for who? men no doubt, they mean)

and on and on it goes.

Couple that with perhaps a childhood riddled with abuse, verbal, emotional and otherwise...and you have the perfect storm for a woman to fall in love with a narcissist.

is it love though?

i don't know. i think if we are merely seeking validation and approval from the person we are dating/married to...no, that is not love. we have to make the distinction. i can say emphactically now. no, i did not love my ex narc from last year. i merely sought his approval and validation. he reminded me of the abusers i had growing up, frankly. it was familiar.

that said...you have to just go through this tough process, and you will get through to the other side. he did you a favor by blocking you.

and finally, if you need to change who you are to be with a certain man, then HE is not the right man FOR YOU. ;)

you can do this. stay strong. do the work.