Lucky Escape, I understand exactly how you feel. I, too, see things through a different "lens" these days, and I don't think that is a bad thing at all.

It IS amazing how suddenly those we have always trusted become so much more treasured. This is HUGE to me.

As for others... I would say that I am not necessarily "mistrustful" of everyone, it's just that others now need to EARN my trust. It is not just automatically handed over. I guess I am sort of "neutral" about people until that trust has been earned. And because of all we have learned through the narc experience, I feel I am in a much better place for determining whom I should and shouldn't trust. This is a much healthier place to be. We should NEVER trust ANYONE unconditionally. We have all learned the hard way that there are a lot of bad people out there. This is the world we live in.

Big hug to all you fabulous ladies =)

Trusting again is one of the big issues I've been coping with myself. Once your trust has been broken, you are very well aware that it CAN happen to you and that it HURTS. Thus, is it can be hard to let yourself really trust someone again. In my case, I can trust certain people and some of them I can even trust enough to be really vulnerable with. However, I do have some people that I still have problems with (specifically men in close intimate relationships - I tend to only let them get just so close to me, and then I start pushing them away out of fear). This was the arena where I got hurt the worst by both my first psychopath husband, and xnh. They both deliberately betrayed my trust for them in every possible way. It is the most difficult type relationship for me to trust again.

My solution to work on this issue (along with my anger issues at xnh) was that I've been seeing a therapist for several months now. It IS helping me immensely. In my case, I firmly believe that I was vulnerable to xnh because of my own weak boundaries, and that fact that he is a complete predator. I was very lonely at the time I met xnh, and I probably had a great, big "narc attracting" target right in the middle of my back that xnh saw very clearly. Then, because I did not follow my gut, ignored all of the red flags about him, and did not enforce good boundaries for myself, I became snagged in the black widow's web instead of walking away like I needed to protect myself. Thus, among the areas my therapist is having me do serious work on are BOUNDARIES and TRUST. I'm finding they are intertwined.

She has recommended two books for me to read. I've recently read them both, and find that they both are VERY helpful to me. They both contain a LOT of good, solid, useful information. Therefore, I'll recommend them here to you, in case you're interested. They are:

"Boundaries" (When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life) by John Townsend and Henry Cloud

and

"Beyond Boundaries: Learning To Trust Again In Relationships" by John Townsend

I hope any of this helps you some. :)
Hug huges.

sad to admit that even now i have flashes of "can i really believe and/or trust this person???" when it wouldn't even be an issue for people who have never had the pleasure of knowing a N.

the test i like to give is "do the words match the actions?" this was a big issue for the N, as his mouth would run with lofty words & promises, none of which ever panned out.

in my opinion, you are establishing & using your boundaries wisely. trust should be earned, not given. this is a lesson we have all had to learn in a devastatingly hard way.

((hugs))