FreeMe's Story

"You're the love of my life!" I'm going to date other women......

My story- The N. in my life was a friend I had known for 20 years. My best friend worked for him for 21 years. While connected by a network of friends, we were both married with families and merely casual friends. When my husband of 15 years had an affair my life was turned upside down. The weeks after learning about my husbands infidelity I learned I had Breast Cancer. At that point my N. swooped in (as a friend) and became my "rock". He lives in another city so the support was primarily by phone. He, at the time claimed to be happily married and there was no other intention other than being a supportive friend.(Hold that thought- the story unfolds). For many months, my life became about saving my own life, caring for my children, making a documentary film about 'Early Detection' and publishing a book. My N. stood by me providing emotional support, humor and love. He became an advocate for Breast Cancer Awareness in his city, honoring me as his inspiration. You can imagine my gratitude was overflowing. The frequency of our calls became constant. We would see each other for lunch or casual dinners whenever either of us was in each other's town. It was at lunch one day after a year of contact that he expressed he had fallen in love with me. I was newly single, feeling strong having survived Cancer, promoting my documentary and book and in great spirits.
I was stunned by his declaration. He was 'married'. I felt enormous love and gratitude for his friendship but hadn't (up to that point) even considered crossing the boundaries of his marriage. He claimed he had 'married the wrong woman' 20 years ago, had never felt such deep and connected love, etc., etc., etc. During one of our lunch dates, he took my hand, leaned in and kissed me and said, "I love you." This was the start of the end. I could not bear the thought of the betraying his wife so we agreed not to be in contact. He claimed to love his wife but did not feel a soul connection. Then, one day I received 'the call'. Low and behold, his wife had decided to end their marriage because she was in love with someone else.... Another WOMAN! Well, needless to say, I became 'his rock'. Our connection was rekindled, stronger than ever. We began seeing each other with more frequency and could not believe the path our fates had taken. We both felt such gratitude to have each other. However, this time around, the dynamic had shifted. He professed to still love his wife. He stopped speaking of a future together. He began taking his anger and frustration out on me, as if I were the wife who left him. His words of praise and adulation became scorns of anger and devaluation. Then the rollercoaster ride began. One day I would receive love and praises, the next I was his nemesis. I was swooped into the vortex of confusion and rage. As his divorce approached, his declaration and desire to "DATE" other women became a frequent topic. Was this the same man who claimed I was the love of his life? Three years of longing and loving? Now we're both single and he insists he wants to 'date' other women, but wants me to stay committed to the relationship we share? My head is spinning... Last week it all came to a head... My hurt and confusion about dating other women caused me to lash out. All of the blame came onto me for 'pushing at him'. He told me I have to be willing to 'lose' him if I want a relationship with him. Where is my friend? The person I've trusted and loved? Last week, after weeks of confusion and arguing, I told him I could not do this anymore. It hurt too much to know he was dating other women. He said he was "WILLING" to take the risk of losing me. He said he wasn’t dating to replace me, he just wanted the experience after being married for 20 years. Honestly, if I was really the love of his life, he would not risk losing me for a minute.