Its so strange. I have been out of the relationship for 10 months and it is getting so much better. I feel that I have healed immensly.I still grieve from time to time but I think its normal and healthy after spending 14 years and two kids with someone. I feel changed from this experince and really more whole that I was before ( healing old wounds because of it)
I just have really got it that they really do miss something in the brain that keeps them from thinking like we do or feeling really. What I noticed in the few texts that we sent over the bast few months is that he has adopted new words, things I never heard him say. Its strange he just acts and talks like who ever he is around.
A good trick worth trying if you have kids and want mininmal contact ( worked for me at least ) I told him that for the record I keep a copy of every text and email he sents just to show how crazy his thinking is. Now he doesnt write YAY .. I appealed to his everyones out to get me thinking.
I dont feel angry any more, I feel sad for him that he is so messed up...but not so sad that I feel like I have to fix him. In fact me trying to rescue him from his own undoing was enabling him to not have to face the mess he makes in his own life.
I was suppose to get a child support check finally and he stopped showing up to work and got fired...so that may never happen. But thats life.
all in all I think I gained a new self respect for myself and discovered courage I didnt know I had. The list of things that have happened from racoons under the house to the washer breaking (the list is very long, reads like a comedy spoof) since he left has made me stronger. I feel like I have proved to myself that I dont need a man and if and when one does show up in my life he is just as lucky to have me as I am him (in narc land I was so blessed to be with him) and I DESERVE to be treated with care and respect....Something I have finally given to myself and now feel good enough to ask it of others.
For those of you waking up to who you are with....NC really does work. The time and space away helps to see what is really happening. When he first left I had to call famly and friends after every conversation with him and ask if I was crazy...I though he was god and I was nothing and I was the one losing my mind. It was so painful in the beginning. Learning all you can about what it is helps to understand it and then asking how did I get here is key to healing....
This website was so helpful......Thank you Lisa and all you mods for keeping it real.
Its fun to see that I have been here 33 weeks, In the beggining I would look and it would be a week and a day then 2...time moved so slowly...now I look and Im like wow Ive been free 33 weeks......