its been almost six months since the split, then LC till he got his stuff out of my home then NC since... so about 5 months ...
just a quick back story.
He lived in another town and colonised my life and moved in with me made my life miserable until I made him leave then took my social life with him in terms of a social group I did events for and then later joined a walking group I led walks for.
One of his biggest fans posted pics all over fb of him with other women within two weeks of us splitting so she was cut from my life too.
I think I have changed beyond belief .. I look back now over this relationship and many others (both friendships and romantic) and I can hardly understand why I tolerated what I did .. so I have grown so much and see things so much more clearly now and that is something I now know I really needed to learn.
Ihave reduced my world so much and literally only see a handful of people now and then... I have given up drinking (more than three weeks ago now and loving it) and I spend my time baking cakes (never could do that before) shopping for things for my home and nice clothes and being by myself... I know a peace I have never ever known and I have made my home the safest place in the world for me.
I dont have anyone in my life now that makes me feel bad and now I dont drink I can see what I was hiding behind the alcohol... I realise too that the social group was a way for me to get validation from others (who I assumed were good people and who I now realise many have more issues than me!!)
Despite all of this I still feel outrage and out and out rage at all that I think was taken from me... even though I know I am better off now and making so many changes to my life and enjoying so much more than before... and making it so a disordered one can never do this to me again.... I still think 'you absolute bastard how dare you take over so much of my life and think thats ok...' I harbour thoughts that he will get whats coming to him and be miserable forever. It frustrates me that others dont see him for what I know him to be and that they think I am hiding away dying of heartbreak .. rather than keeping out of the way of a dangerous and devious man.
I suppose to summarise I see how much I have gained and am taking a leap of faith that these changes will mean I have a chance someday to have a healthy relationsihp with someone else but that my life was taken from me by force by someone who had no right to take it ... no matter how wrong it was for me (which I now see... )
Does this make sense at all????. xx