The N N/P...who else were we not seeing clearly.?

TruthbeginsToday

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1 year 1 week

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3 hours 8 min

Posted June 2, 2012 - 12:45pm

Has anyone else noticed that once the rose colored glasses are off and you can see the truth where the disordered are considered, that you can see others now?

I see my N/P now and it hurts...beyond belief...and I paid dearly. He stole everything and I am now starting over.

Now I am seeing it in my family... and learning why I chose to work so hard for them at the expense of myself...I've needed them and they have nothing for me..not even words of support. I realize that I've always been the strong one...especially for them and never needed much help but now I do... and I'm hurt because my pain seems to be an inconvenience for them.I've always made excuses for them and now I can't find any.

I am seeing other N's and I really don't like it or want to believe it...but it's becoming hard to deny.

Am I just seeing things the way they should be? If this is true..it means that I've been working, slaving, fixing things, comforting, helping sick people!!??If it's true..its really depressing.

If I'm seeing the truth...I have to make changes...and grieve the illusion all over again.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Is anyone seeing other N's in their family or friends now too?

Truthbeginstoday

June 3, 2012 - 8:34am — Janie53

What a great question! The answer from me is absolutely yes but learning about the narcs in my family got me to the place I am today. Two members of my immediate family are malignant narcissists. This helped me understand how and why I became a narc magnet. Most importantly, now that I have both learned and accepted this information, I now can easily spot abusers as well as instill the appropriate boundaries to keep me in a safe and happy place!

Sometimes bad choices take us to better places. This journey has been hard work but I have learned so much.

You will get to where I am even after these discoveries of other disordered people in your life. They are all part of completing the puzzle.

Keep staying true! It is worth it.
Janie

Thank you for posting your

June 2, 2012 - 4:37pm — Kalorli

Thank you for posting your feelings about this TruthBegins -

I am seeing this also. Actually I have been noticing it for a while now. My family knows what I'm going through and they have helped when they've had to but it will never be more than what they have to. They have different expectations of me but I can see where I contributed to that. I ran every time they needed me so they expect it now. Building those boundaries will be really difficult but my gut has been telling me when to say no, it almost screams at me now. It doesn't make it any easier but at least my body is giving me a sign.

You are a very strong woman TruthBegins, don't every doubt that. Use that strength you have for you now.

Hugs, Kalorli

TBT

June 2, 2012 - 2:16pm — Lucky Escape

This is a really interesting point...I have absolutely started to see it, I have also questioned that I am not LOOKING for it.

However, I guess the real point is that I am starting to LISTEN to myself...and go with the gut feeling.

Whilst with some family members, well one really, this is hard, I am now armed to handle it.

With other people, if they are toxic in anyway shape or form then they are off the Christmas Card list...no longer will I invest my time and emotions where it is not met back.

Do you know what, since I have started my journey, I have met 3 amazing new friends....I have opened myself up to attracting the good people by ousting the bad and having firm boundaries. This stuff works. The path forward really really works.

It is hard to stand up for your instincts but well worth it...and OK, we may get lonely sometimes but the people who truly care about us will always be there in those times, we just have to reach out.

You are at the start of something amazing TBT, you just need to believe in it. x

Thanks for starting this thread.

June 2, 2012 - 1:45pm — abreva

I see how some of my good friends, who are nice girls, accommodate everyone in their lives at the expense of themSELVES. And if they stood up for themselves -- it would upset the apple cart so extremely that they would end up divorced with major family chaos. So they stay, trapped.

I did not know how disrupted my world would become when I started drawing boundary lines and keeping them strong. The growing pains, as you all know, have been intense for all of us.

I WOULD DO IT AGAIN.

I WOULD DO IT SOONER.

If you stay, you lose.
If you go, you lose.

I would rather GO, and lose THAT way than be trapped by fear.

And I also see how N's & P's drive the train that keep the Nice Girls trapped on the wheel. No more for me.

Disrupted

June 2, 2012 - 2:18pm — TruthbeginsToday

'I did not know how disrupted my world would become when I started drawing boundary lines and keeping them strong. The growing pains, as you all know, have been intense for all of us.'

You said that well.... and yes I've surely upset the the apple cart.

I've survived so much abuse from my N/P. I lived in constant fear. I still do. I am still alive..only God knows why, but I am. YOU are right...I'm tired of living in fear.

The lose, lose situation is so true....so is the punishment.... either way I'm going to pay.. So the choice is .....Drag it out...or meet it head on. I just want it done.

Go for it

June 2, 2012 - 2:29pm — Lucky Escape

you have us...go for it and meet it head on, clear all the craziness out.

I am so sorry you live in fear....I know how that feels. But very soon you will be in a place where you don't feel it anymore. It will be replaced with something much better...no more craziness, no more doubting yourself.

Your world should not be disrupted, no-ones should. You deserve peace.

truthbeginstoday

June 2, 2012 - 12:51pm — Used

Am I just seeing things the way they should be? If this is true..it means that I've been working, slaving, fixing things, comforting, helping sick people!!??If it's true..its really depressing.

If I'm seeing the truth...I have to make changes...and grieve the illusion all over again.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Is anyone seeing other N's in their family or friends now too?

I WAS, THEY ARE GONE NOW......
If you read what you have written, working, slaving ect ect......you will see yes they are all takers....but you can eliminate from your life as I have done, it will take time to process how you put up with so much crap , but when you do, you will begin the getting them out process.....GOOD LUCK.....

Used

June 2, 2012 - 1:36pm — TruthbeginsToday

I wonder how much heartbreak I can handle...how much loss.
I guess I have no choice...but to find out the hard way.

Thank you

truthbeginstoday

June 2, 2012 - 1:42pm — Used

I got rid of [for want of a better word], exnm, exn and exnh first.....and when I was out of that, or had healed enough....I cut the rest of the *DEAD WOOD* out of my life.......it sounds daunting, but if you get the main one out first...THAT IS A NEW START ON ITS OWN THE REST WILL FOLLOW.......

used

June 2, 2012 - 2:07pm — TruthbeginsToday

Thank you for telling me this. I think I can manage to wait a bit until I get some strength back before I begin clearing out any more people.I think I need to rest up a bit. I'm exhausted and almost broken at the moment.I feel like I'm hanging by a thread.

Hopefully, I will get some strength back.....because I'm in no shape for any more DAUNTING tasks.

I am so grateful for your guidance.

Rest up, you will find your 2nd wind, or 3rd, or 4th, or 1000th

June 2, 2012 - 7:07pm — abreva

It's an exhausting experience, dealing with these people. It's DESIGNED to be that way.

When we feel tired, it's hard to think straight, it's hard to be brave.

Rest up, you will find your 2nd wind (or 3rd, or 4th, or 1000th, etc!)

I really do think it gets easier -- because there is only so many tricks up their sleeves. We learn (from this site and these people) how to deal. THAT makes us STRONGER and even more RESILIENT than we naturally are.

I feel so much better and have clarity of thought today -- so I'm able to get a lot of work done that previously just felt completely overwhelming. Living with a crazy-making disordered person for so long sucked the life out of me -- well, he TRIED to suck the life out of me -- he picked the WRONG GIRL! HA! And then he tormented me for SO LONG that it took up so much of my brain power -- who has time for anything else? But then I found this forum and people taught me how to respond. The peace is coming back. That is my goal -- to be peaceful and have a soft heart.

What is your goal, Truth?

my goal

June 3, 2012 - 10:35am — TruthbeginsToday

I've come a long way. one year ago, my goal was to stay alive and I'm still here.

I want to understand as much as possible, heal and learn to live with truth instead of lies. GOD I'm sick of lies and games!Then put it to good use and then pass it on to my son. I'd like him to live better than I did.My goal is to keep my heart and not become cold..fearful to trust or help anyone again. I want to learn how to keep my good heart and put it to GOOD use and no longer work for N's. For every minute I spend my heart on an N a real needing heart is dying somewhere. SCREW the N's..I'm not working for them anymore!!

I look forward to the day when I don't cry every time someone is kind or caring towards me.

You are awesome.

June 3, 2012 - 11:02am — abreva

Girlfriend,

You and me are singing the same song.

You are awesome, and you are going to get your goals you sweet heart.

ME TOO.

Love, Abreva

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