Kaz's Story

Is he a narcissist...please let me know what you think...

Hi everyone - just wanting to share my story and get some feedback on whether you think I am dealing with a narcissist or not - sometimes I think I am being over sensitive and doubt my perceptions, other times I am certain of it. Reading the stories in this site, I do see a lot of familiar traits. I have to add, this is very mild compared to what a lot of you have suffered and I do apologise is it sounds I am making a big thing over nothing. I hope I don't seem selfish....

This all happened on Facebook - I haven't even met this guy. He was a friend of a friend and got to know me, my husband and close group of friends (on facebook). He was extremely witty and charming and everyone in our group of friends thought he was really good value and very funny and he himself described himself as a light hearted person who loves to "push the boundaries and have a bit of fun / banter". After a while his funny comments were interspersed with comments containing sarcasm and put downs (very subtle I might add). As this was all done very publicly, I felt I had to take these comments good naturedly, not appearing to be a bad sport. I am sure everyone else felt the same now. As I said, they were very subtle and for a while, they just caused a slight feeling of unease more than anything else but they became more and more frequent for everyone. I also noticed he (again very subtly) pitted people against each other, especially friends.

He sent me messages and frequently came on chat to me and told me bits and pieces about his private life - very secretive though, he didn't reveal too much. Basically it was all about him being unhappy at home with his wife and kids. I relayed all this to my husband - as I said, we were all Facebook friends and commented on each other's posts on almost a daily basis. I tried to be as supportive as possible without wanting to be too intrusive, as I had sensed he was a private person, never giving too much away. His Facebook photo albums were full of pictures of his family holidays though - wife and kids having a great time.

He made me feel very special, because he was confiding in me about his problems. He also paid me a lot of compliments in the process of these talks, which I did brush off, not allowing them to lead anywhere, or I just thanked him for the compliment. It was a nice feeling to hear these things though, I have to be honest and I did have a fantastic feeling every time I saw I had a new message from him. I think he realised I cared about him and how things turned out for him and it was about this time that he started playing games with me...sending messages, telling me how bad things were and that he wanted to talk, (so that I waited online) and then avoiding me...but making it known he was there by making comments on other people's post that he knew I would see. There were heaps of games, this is just one example. Another favourite was making me feel I had done something wrong and offended him in some way. I noticed that with other people, he would find out what annoyed them the most or what made them react and then keep doing that very thing to them.

He told me of an affair he was having and then a few months later, another affair, when the first one didn't work out. He even asked me to send a friend request to her and I did because I wanted to be supportive and non judgemental. I wanted him to be happy and felt sorry that he had been so unhappy at home. By the way, these two women he had successive affairs with were good friends with each other up until this time.

The games continued and by that time I sensed I was dealing with someone who has a mental illness. I wanted to be loyal to him and I was also scared he'd cause trouble with between me and our close group of friends if I "unfriended" him, although my husband said this is what we should do (I had told him about the games, etc). None of the others have chatted to him privately (ie off public posts) and could only see how he is on the surface which is usually quite normal, except for the sarcasm, and funny. He did seem to have a bit of an obsession for sex which has became more and more apparent as time has gone on. I try to have less and less to do with him now but every time he decides to contact me, usually with a sad story, I cave and feel sorry for him and once he has me, the hurtful games start again. He left his wife and is in a relationship and I'm sure his girlfriend doesn't know about this.