It’s been 3 months NC with the N. I have emotionally come along way, and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. During these past 3 months there was only 1 Hoover, which I am wholeheartedly grateful for that it no longer wants supply from me. The Narchole was suppose to move, which I was looking forward too because he lives directly across the street from me however, he is helping the homeowners fix up the MESS he left. Therefore, it will be living there for awhile still. Unfortunately, I am close friends with my neighbors that just moved back in but, I know I CAN NOT step one foot back into that place until the N leaves. I have accepted that. I still think about him, and talk about him, but in a more object way, and much less. I have been practicing coping techniques to squash the obsessive and intrusive thoughts about him and the OW, thanks to this wonderful forum, the people on here, and the MODs. I am starting to feel happiness again, and I am getting my confidence back. I know I still have a lot of work to do. I would like receive professional therapy; however I don’t have health insurance right now. I am working on that. I know I need to talk about my childhood leading up to now. Everything is linked together in my life. I just need to talk it out with someone who doesn’t know me. It’s time. I am starting to enjoy school, and my job, and I am looking forward to graduating and becoming a teacher. I feel very positive lately, and I hope it lasts. I know I will still have my bad days, but they always past, and I always survive. I am healing now. It’s amazing the world of difference I was in 3 months ago. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and hated everything about myself. The guilt, the shame, and the pain drove me to lose weight in an unhealthy way, have panic attacks, become ill, and depressed. I was only with him for a year, but that year brought the most despair I have every felt. It opened up deep, embedded wounds that I now need to address. I am grateful for this wretched lesson because it showed me that I am a GOOD person, and I DESERVE RESPECT, and NOTHING LESS. To all the wonderful people on here, NO CONTACT is truly KEY. I know it’s difficult but, go on this forum when thinking about breaking it. Call a friend, and remember every bad thing the disordered person has done to you to remind yourself you no longer are part of the cycle of SH*T. Because that’s all it is a cycle of hell, pain, and abuse that no one ever deserves. Keep on reading, writing and educating yourself on the disordered person. It’s enlightening. Thank you to everyone on here for helping through this life changing experience. And it’s all for the better!!!
-rebuildingmysoul