This is a huge mess of words, but I am really hurting about this and I want to STOP hurting over it. I want to shut the door on it, and be done.
My FM (Family Member) sabotaged my custody evaluation -- it's a sick story, quite unbelievable. The Psychopath had EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT. Psychopaths will do ANYTHING to win.
FM isn't innocent. FM has problems.
Psychopath took FM's weakness and exploited them to his benefit, and my detriment. With no respect for MY relationship with FM.
Psychopath was always jealous of my relationship with FM.
Details aren't important. But I believe FM's involvement and sabotage of my custody evaluation resulted in nearly a 50/50 split of custody, and without this horrible event I would have gotten a custody situation that was much better for the children and for me. I have a little more than 50% custody.
Even after the revealing of the betrayal, the FM continues to interact with the Psychopath. FM always talked horribly about the psychopath. What a horrible father he was. What a criminal he was. How he drugged me. How he was gay. FM was right. FM helped me out of the marriage. But when it all came down, it is FM who stuck the knife in me.
It's very sick, and I am sick over it.
The betrayal is huge, and it is costing me daily.
Somedays I am fine about it, I am strong. But the problem in my heart never really goes away, the loss never goes away.
The betrayal happened well over a year ago, and I discovered the truth about it last summer.
I have lost my FM over the exnh-psychopath. FM was a huge part of my life, very important, daily. I arranged my life to include FM in it. Losing FM has been much more of a heartbreak than my marriage, because I thought my relationship with FM was unable to be lost.
FM was always difficult, but I thought FM was manageable.
I don't know how much of a problem FM is without being under the influence of Psychopath.
Psychopath took great pleasure in destroying the relationship between FM and me, and considers it to be a great win, and loves to rub the salt in my wound -- though I never let Psychopath know he is getting to me.
I am clear that I can't have a relationship with FM, because of the betrayal. Given the chance to sabotage me again, I think FM would do it. I can't understand why. I wish I lived FAR FAR FAR away from all of these crazy people. I feel very unsafe, though not physically unsafe. Just emotionally unsafe, and very wounded by the loss.
And also alone. Psychopath has my children too much of the time. FM chooses to spend time with the Psychopath. And I am winded by it all, and embarrassed by it. I am shamed by it.
After the betrayal was revealed, I shone a light on it, and FM reacted oddly, there was much drama and some communication between us. FM failed to take responsibility for it. FM concocted a barely plausible story in an attempt to look less awful, but it backfired in my eyes.
FM continued to interact with Psychopath - inexplicably. FM continued to act as his proxy for sabotage. I don't know how malicious it was -- it may have been foolish. I can't tell.
I have communicated boundaries to FM. I have made it clear that I won't have a relationship with someone who interacts with the Psychopath. I communicated this concisely, without anger. FM continues to ignore these boundaries. Therefore, I have essentially gone NC with FM, except on matters of my children.
I have withheld communicating my heartbreak and disappointment for months. Under the advisement of many of you and my friends, I have withheld the emails that I write over and over and over and over. When I feel awful about it, I write an email. Carefully crafted, concise. I write and I do not send.
I really want to send it. I really want to make it clear that I am done. To stop contacting me. It's over.
I want the suffering to stop. I feel FM pulling at me -- every 2 weeks there's another begging email "I will always love you." "I just want to see your face. Please." Yet, FM continues to engage with the psychopath.