My God, just counted and can't believe I have managed to sit on my hands, not email, not text and actually start to concentrate on my own life.
This has not been at all easy...I still have moments of total emotional wipeout, still cry. I woke up today and remembered the day he told me he was going to leave. We went to bed that night and he held me, stroked my face and said "I know how you feel, I have felt like this remember? I know how heartbroken you are". Ex-w dumped him. He told me that there was a right way and a wrong way to break up and he wanted us to enjoy are last few weeks together.
At the time, I remember mistaking this for compassion and thought, wow, he is being so understanding. I wanted him desparately to be the person I had fallen in love with, and I had a glimpse of him again often in those last few weeks.
Now I realise that he was getting off on it....he was loving the fact I was in such pain, it was like payback. And as for us enjoying our last few weeks, this was just about having supply until he could get out and find some more....took him a week after he had left. When my boundaries kicked in through hurt and anger he turned on me "I knew you couldn't keep it up, I knew you couldn't remain civil and mature or dignified!". No, I was fucking hurt, angry, desparate for closure and understanding.
He had planned and analysed his departure months before, justified himself months before to his family and one friend and his ex-w that it was all me "see she had to go to therapy", she is the fruit loop here. I was the last person to know. Even his kids knew.
The manipulations of these sick and disordered individuals is totally and utterly mind-blowing.
Lucky for me I am now 48 days later and can see all of this for what it is....thanks to this wonderful forum.
Stay strong all you newbies, including me, you will get to 48 days and more and we will all get to acceptance and indifference....I so WANT IT!! x