Smrem's Story

Trying to figure out if soon to be ex is narc

Hi everyone this is my first post. I have been reading this forum for about 4 weeks. I found it soon after my husband told me he didn't love me or feel any connection for a long time, and wants a divorce. We have been married for 17 years together for 22. We have 2 boys age 11 &14. He left me 10 years ago and said he didn't love me then came back after 5 months and said he made a mistake and can we try? I took him back,we went to counseling which seemed to help. I came to feel over the years that he didn't know how to be in a relationship. He was not very affectionate,very moody and would often push me away if I wanted to hug. About three years ago he left his email open and I saw emails to a women that works at my place of employment , in one he said I did not understand his job and the stress of it and I was being a bitch because when he got home I wanted to go do something fun! Dinner or movie or walk in the park. I confronted him and he said she was just a friend,I told him it was inappropriate and needed to stop, he told her he could not continue as it was bad for his marriage . He works in the medical field and is surrounded by women. He has told me in the past that he always wanted to be the guy that all the women thought was hot and wanted to be with. I told him I wanted to look nice for him but he wants to look nice for every other women out there!
5 weeks ago he left the same day he told me he didn't love me anymore. He moved in with his mom. Then last week I received a call from a man who I will call Mark. Mark told me that his wife left him for my husband and the are living togeather in an apt with her two little kids,5 and 18 m. That just about killed me. He has not had my boys over cuz then he would have to explain the OW. He told my kids when he left that "he has struggled for years to be married to your mother and I can't do it anymore."
He has continue to lie to me and the boys and has let us believe that he is still at his mom's.
I am confused because he has been a good dad to our boys and just could not get he husband thing down. He keeps saying we were not a good fit,although he can not give me any examples. I told him that we were a good fit 22 years togeather ,we agreed on child rearing didnt fight about money , had similar careers ,had built what I thought was a nice life togeather .he does not contact me except when must about divorce or kids,and then only text or email,he will not answer phone if I call.I am struggling to get through each day,my older son doesn't want to hear anything about it and says he is fine with this as long as he can see both of us. My younger son is really having it tough he has developed panic attacks and is sad all the time. I could really use some advice or opinions on my post. HELP I feel battered and bruised!