Well the sun is shining over here in the UK, this is very rare occurence...not only that but the sunshine has been coupled with heat...even more rare!! Happy Days!
So I go horse riding with my daughter as we do every Saturday morning.....as you may remember, Trotters is now taking OW to the same said stables. I have been asked by the owner of the stables to ride a difficult horse, this I am loving...it's a challenge but this it MY thing, my gig and I can do it and do it well. This means I will be there most weekends. I am not prepared to give this up, it's something I do with my daughter and she absolutely loves it. So it means that i will, at some point see Trotters and Mrs Trotters as they ride there too....well have done 4 weeks since we split....nice.
I have not given this much thought afterwards as the sun is shining, so I have cut the grass and then laid in the garden, allowing the sun to feed me. I have then had a glorious bath, done my hair and walked to a friends for a BBQ and wine.
I have had the most chilled, relaxed and gloriously selfish day which ended with my very very good friends. Yeay me!!
And now home, after a few glasses and the dilemma of my former paragraph hits me. What do I do? I want to ride this horse, i want to carry on with something I have always loved and having this horse was not an option when I was with Trotters as he said "if you do that I will never see you, you will always be up there, it's not fair on us". Now I am not with him, I WANT this but don't want to break NC. I have tentatively explained to the stable owner the situation and she is very understanding. She said I should do my own thing but I am very very scared about seeing him, it's that whole intimidation/manipulation thing, that is how he would WANT me to feel. I will be indifferent to him, eventhough inside it might kill me, but would hate for him to THINK FOR ONE MINUTE I am doing this because of some sick yearning to see him in any way shape or form.
The truth is, my love for a warm-blooded, beautiful and damaged horse is far greater than???? you do the math. Me and this mare have so much in common.
Your thoughts would be v. much appreciated. What should I do, deny my passion and something which is so good for me and my daughter, for the sake of this asswipe? Or front it and "rise above it" as he would say......maybe he will do one if he knows I am there as I am "psycho bitch from hell" in his world. I just don't see why he should win this one, if it wasn't for me, he and the two little princesses (his daughters) wouldn't know one end of a horse from another, I introduced them to ti....it makes me sick as OW rides, a tick in the box for him after me......FUCK I AM MAD. He has taken so much from me already and I feel like sticking my heels in, why should he take this from me too????