Yes yes yes. I'm well aware of NC. I had a moment of weakness and contacted XN today. Like I've read about so many times on here, sometimes I need to put my hand on the hot stove so to speak, and I did, and it fucking burned.
I don't know what I was thinking. Or expecting. Actually, I know exactly what I was expecting...that he'd react like a normal human being with empathy and understanding, but he didn't. Instead, he told me to "grow up" and that he "doesn't care". Then silence no matter how many rant texts I sent. I'm sure I sounded like a mad woman. I have sooooo much resentment still! When will it stop?!
It's like I take two steps forward and three steps back. It has been 8 months. Most days I'm absolutely fine! Days like today are bad. What the hell? *sigh* I need a swift kick in the ass. Badly. So mad at myself!