Thank you for the feedback, everybody. Feeling quite guilty this morning, but I'll get over it. You all are so right. I just need to pick myself up and keep trudging forward. Thanks again.

It is so hard i cannot tell you how many times i wrote him trying to get him: to see the light" of his behavior, it never worked, How about therapy, talk to goldie, write your pros and cons list of him, and in the end It is your pride and dignity at stake, he is NOT worth it, no man is, try to move on with your life and get involved with things you like to do so you will recover.............read more to understand they have a disease of the personality and will never be like us.

Have been so struggling with D&D and NC myself. So I know a little how you feel.

Contact will usually always confound your expectations. If they're telling the truth from the heart or manipulating or lying, we will never be able to distinguish, as its their very personal belief structure, their very personal unreality they are presenting. We simply have nothing to connect with there, its a madness. So Contact is inevitably pointless with the N, at minimum intolerably frustrating. Unrewarding, as the result/response cannot be trusted - like a faulty computer.

NC is interesting - look at it from their perspective. They may be with an OW or OM. They don't know if you're doing Well or Bad, don't know how you're doing or what you're thinking. Also, as they have their Supply in OW or OM, they just quietly want to shut down together and don't need anything from the outside world (in terms of Supply).

Hoovering is another matter. Hunter is right, Contact = Pain. Perhaps if we are so emotionally together, our Boundaries or self-Control can tolerate such meaningless interaction - but even so as Noise its unhelpful and useless. Just my 2c. Struggling with the same stuff. I've had to reset the NC clock a couple of times, just don't want that mad world entering my emotional software.

Good luck and take care.

I know the feeling. It feels so bad when he says that he doesn't care or blames every little thing on me or calls me crazy and then ignores me so coldly. That happens when I have tried to contact him to "talk things out" I too expected him to respond like a normal person but it never happened. I have stayed NC but have been tempted to get in touch with him, but after reading your post it reminded me of what I will most likely be in for, so, you're not alone and I am sorry that you had to feel all of that "STUFF" all over again. Don't be too mad at yourself, we are only human and it is completely normal to react normally.