Still struggling

Still struggling
Posted May 23, 2012 - 4:01pm
0

Hi All. Thanks for your support these past few days. This site is a Godesnd.

I am NC for only 5 days. It is getting harder for me. I guess I expected him to contact me. But I was always the one to text him first, so why would I expect to hear from him especially when he said I won't have him no matter what? And why do I want him to contact me? Why do I put so much stock in what he thinks of me? You all know how treated me, devalued me. They all do the same thing. I have so much in my life, but too many reminders of him and my mistake with him makes me feel so low about myself. I just want to escape all of this. I know, NC, NC. I wish I knew if he was thinking of me, he was so enraged because I called him a narc and he smear campaigned me at work. I just want to know if I not possible to hurt him, that one day soon he will realize he lost a good thing in me. I wish I knew if he was thinking of me and got a sick feeling in his stomach and had to pop a few Xanax just to sleep tonight. Why do I think he is happy right now? And why do I think I missed out on making memories with him? It's like one day I ok and the next I regress again with NC.

‹ Typical Narcissist's Spouse - Sam Vaknin WILL KARMA EVER BE PRESENT IN A NARC LIFE? ›
onwithmylife's picture

minnieme

May 23, 2012 - 7:53pm — onwithmylife

the longer you are out, educate yourself from books and different websites plus this one, you will realize everyone is an object, they do not miss usas normal people do, they have a personality disorder which makes them very different than us ,there is no cure and ask yourself this, do you want to be on a roller coaster for the rest of your life?I spent 15 years off and on when he dumped me for whatever his absurd reason and we kept getting back, what a waste of my time and energy and I was never, ever good enough for the man, even told him that, in spite of my help with a major operation that his relative wrote me he could have never done without my dedication. They are inhumane,incurable,damaged from early childhood, let him go..........if you bought a damaged toaster, would you keep trying to make it work, NO, you would return it to the store and get one that works, look at the narc that way....

Deidre99's picture

Your feelings are very

May 23, 2012 - 4:07pm — Deidre99

Your feelings are very natural during the early stages of NC. It won't always be confusing, like this.

As the fog clears...you will gain clarity. Strength. Peace.

He will contact you eventually, is my belief. But...'hoovering' is not a compliment. It has nothing at all to do with missing you, at all. Hoovering has to do with 'sucking the life out of you some more.'

When HE is feeling low on supply. When he feels like...hey, I want to see if I can still control MinnieMe...then, he'll pop you a text. It will be very very innocuous...''how are you? sorry we didn't work out.''

I could see this guy doing something exactly like that, actually. Once he realizes...wow, she has never IGNORED ME...wow...who does she thinks she is?

It's all about power and control. NC puts you in control of your own life again. Your own choices.

Things will get better. That might sound trite, but it's true. ((hugs)) Stay the course.

NoMoreFreakBoy's picture

As I cry....

May 23, 2012 - 4:13pm — NoMoreFreakBoy

I cried when I read your reply. I am just so overwhelmed with the support I have here. Thank you thank you. I know if he hoovers it's for revenge and if he wants to know if i still like his little d- -k
And his one testicle. Sorry, couldn't help myself. lol

Lucky Escape's picture

Hi MM

May 23, 2012 - 5:21pm — Lucky Escape

Deidre is right....NC is so hard at first, like walking through treacle or porridge????

Stay with it, and NC means NC, no looking on anything, no snooping, no nothing. I say this out of experience believe me!!

After a week or so, you will be further on, you will be slightly stronger. Then after another couple of days, you will turn another corner.

I know this, it's my experience. The MODs and vets on here are the best. But NC, truly is NC - that is the only way it works..so hard but believe me I am 40+ days and it is really amazing. Nowhere near the end of my journey but you can do this...if I can, you can. When he left, feotal position in bed, now, walking out the door taking life on.

As for his D**k and one thing... seriously??? You deserve better lovely!! xx

Lisa Mitchell's picture

You all give me much

May 23, 2012 - 6:57pm — Lisa Mitchell

You all give me much encouragement. It's been about 3 going on 4 weeks of nc and somedays it's hard other days i'm proud that i didnt breakdown and call. I too think he's lost the best thing that ever happened to him ...me because i loved him so much...one day will he be sorry...i doubt it because i dont believe he has the ability to love anyone.before i left he told me that he was a soory bastard and i would be better off without him of course i thought he's opening up wanting to be closer to me. lol not true...they know what they do he's even gone as far as to tell me that if i depended on him that i would lose everything that i havent already lost because he's no good...he only worries about getting his dope and cigs for the day. he a;ways told me not to let him run over me but the mintue i would stand up for myself he would beat me down again famous words<"""your a crazy bitch no your a dumb bitch...then the next thing out of his mouth i love you and always have and always will....i feel like i've been brainwashed in a concentration camp one mintue i'm too good for him the next i'm not fit to live in a dog house. one mintue i would never cheat on you yhe next I could f,,, carey antime i want..he always projects he gets mad and acuses other peopke of doing the exact thing that hes doing. really??? I feel sad for him he's a no good insecure,lying, thieving ,cheating ,drug addict using bastard!