Hi All. Thanks for your support these past few days. This site is a Godesnd.
I am NC for only 5 days. It is getting harder for me. I guess I expected him to contact me. But I was always the one to text him first, so why would I expect to hear from him especially when he said I won't have him no matter what? And why do I want him to contact me? Why do I put so much stock in what he thinks of me? You all know how treated me, devalued me. They all do the same thing. I have so much in my life, but too many reminders of him and my mistake with him makes me feel so low about myself. I just want to escape all of this. I know, NC, NC. I wish I knew if he was thinking of me, he was so enraged because I called him a narc and he smear campaigned me at work. I just want to know if I not possible to hurt him, that one day soon he will realize he lost a good thing in me. I wish I knew if he was thinking of me and got a sick feeling in his stomach and had to pop a few Xanax just to sleep tonight. Why do I think he is happy right now? And why do I think I missed out on making memories with him? It's like one day I ok and the next I regress again with NC.