Does he miss me at all?

Does he miss me at all?
Posted May 23, 2012 - 2:16pm
0

I know it is silly of me to ask this, but I guess there is a part of me that hope he does. Does he really not have a heart?

I've been NC for 4 weeks as of today, but I am having a really rough week. I just really miss him. I woke up thinking about him this morning, and it made me really sad. I was okay the last couple of weeks, but I can't get him off of my mind the last few days.

I won't reach out - that much I know, but I really want to. I play out in my mind how wonderful it would be to be with him again, but I know it'll just end badly in another round of D&D. I wish this isn't so hard. I just want to get over him and move on, but even without his presence, it seems impossible.

I really hope I will feel better as time passes. I just want to be able to trust people again.

‹ Chicago Trip they lie so SHAMELESSLY and outrageously! ›
neverlookback's picture

NO

May 23, 2012 - 8:55pm — neverlookback

He does not miss you the way you want him to miss you and never will. I learned that the hard way last year - why would I want to talk or be with someone who doesnt have the ability to care that I am gone? its not your fault he is this way they cant miss anybody like they should

Doubtdispelled's picture

Thank you for helping me stay NC

May 23, 2012 - 4:35pm — Doubtdispelled

I just read this post and all the comments and I feel strong again! Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Rising Dawn's picture

Thank you for your words

May 23, 2012 - 4:16pm — Rising Dawn

Thank you for being there for me and keeping me strong.

Congrats to you all who have been NC. It is definitely a difficult thing to do, but each day hopefully will get easier.

It is crazy that we are the ones reeling from their dys-functionality, while they are out there having a great time with their next victim. The universe has a pretty sick sense of humor - right?

I am grateful for all my friends on this site and the other good things in my life. Thanks again for being there!

findingfreedom's picture

I am at one month NC too and

May 23, 2012 - 3:27pm — findingfreedom

I am at one month NC too and am having similar feelings. Missing him or the illusion of what I thought we had. Each say brings a roller coaster of emotions from being glad to be free of him to missing the hell out of him. I'm also fighting the urge to reach out to him. Thinking, "oh i'm probably wrong...he does want to talk to me...i'm mistaken." Then, I use my big girl brain and realize that he is an a$$ who isn't even cpable of such feelings.

Thank goodness for this website and the support we can find here! Time heals a lot so I am hoping to feel better too.

NoMoreFreakBoy's picture

Me too

May 23, 2012 - 4:07pm — NoMoreFreakBoy

I am only 5 days NC, and I feel exactly like you. I miss his attention. Isn't that sick? And I have so much in my life. A lot of happy things. Before him I was so stable in every area of my life. Now he has affected everything, especially my thoughts. I just can't rid myself of the illusion of him...those beautiful blue eyes and smile and his Latin accent, very suave n passionate n said the right things to me at first, very polite and sexy. Other people see him as a short, fat, puerto Rican, slime ball, liar, cheater, arrogant man. I am so delusional

Deidre99's picture

They don't ever miss 'us.' As

May 23, 2012 - 2:52pm — Deidre99

They don't ever miss 'us.' As people. As someone they loved and respected.

They only miss what we provided:

* adoration
* sex
* supply
* ego stroking
* making them feel larger than life
* validation
* a maid
* money
* someone to look good on his/her arm

And on and on the list goes.

Since people are disposable and interchangeable...if he's found another victim, then she is supplying these things to him, and you won't hear from him. It's possible you could hear from him, even if he has new supply. But, typically...they hoover, and don't 'miss people.' Hoovering is not a sign of missing us. It's a sign of wanting more of us for the taking. Hoovering is a sign that he is interested in:

* revenge
* sex
* money, cuz he's in a bind
* luring you back in, to abuse and control you again

But, hoovering should never be mistaken for ...''oh, he missed me, he must loooove me!'' No. It's not about love. So, IF he should email you, text you, etc...stick with NC. It's all a lie. It's all a ploy to hurt you s'more.

If he used the silent treatment on you during the relationship, and he saw it made you uncomfortable, he will employ the same tactic during the breakup.

The longer you stay NC, the better you will feel. The clearer you will think. The less you will think about him.

Four weeks is still very raw, but an awesome accomplishment. Seriously. You should be proud of where you are, how far you have come.

Contacting him will result in pain. Because whenever we break NC, we hope for a different outcome to the same old story. Narcissists don't change.

red's picture

I'm at the 4 weeks NC stage

May 23, 2012 - 3:03pm — red

I'm at the 4 weeks NC stage too.
I understand totally what you're feeling. It's crazy, isn't it?

He treated me so well and yet so subtly badly,I want him, but I don't want him.

Some days I'm alright, not too sad, quite pleased to have understood that I wasn't in the wrong.
Some days I'm down, really down. I miss him. Not one day has passed when I don't think of him. He's my first thought when I wake up. During the day a million things remind me of him.

It's not easy to turn off your feelings, in fact I think that us normal people just have to suffer the pain, until eventually the bad feelings begin to slowly fade away. It can't hurt forever, can it??

I'm fighting with myself to stay NC.It's like a challenge to myself not to connact him, it's a challenge that I want to win.

The forum is helping me more and more. Knowing that others have walked this road and understand helps.

Stay strong.
xx

uncomfortablynumb's picture

I'm in the exact same

May 23, 2012 - 6:07pm — uncomfortablynumb

I'm in the exact same place..mine was awesome but so insidiously not-so-awesome-..almost 3 months no direct contact, 1.5 weeks no NC including indirect...he still lives in my head and i can't wait till out of the blue he pops into my head, and I think how wonderful it is that he hadn't been in there for a while...or to run into him and see how downhill he has gone since my D&D..and for the dreams to stop...and to be finished rushing him in my mind to hurry up and D&D the NS..

I really hoped his 2 hoovers meant he actually missed me, but he just wanted his stupid little ego stroked.

I don't know if getting mixed up with him is a gift or a curse!! Because I feel cursed to have this cloud over my head for an eternity!!!

Lisa Mitchell's picture

This is exactly the way I

May 23, 2012 - 4:18pm — Lisa Mitchell

This is exactly the way I feel today I miss him but on the other hand I'm happy he's gone.I still thinnk of him when I wake up, during the day and when I go to bed, hell I even dream about him...why I don't know???? I hope he misses me but that's a delusion if he did then we wouldnt be where we are today....he hasnt worked in 2 years and I found out todat that he went to work it makes me so angry but then again he had me paying for everything and now that I'm not there I guess he has to go to work.