Being a Noxious Human Being

Being a Noxious Human Being
Posted May 23, 2012 - 7:04pm
0

Today when I was distracted by thoughts of the ex N, I was trying to imagine what it's like to do what he does to people. I imagined pretending to feel something for someone for some kind of lame gain...while doing this visualisation exercise, I imagined myself going through the motions of acting emotions and actions of intimacy with somebody I don't give a rat's about...I felt shallow and it seems like it would be so tiring!!! It kind of made me nauseous.

Then I felt sorry for his inner child, having to resort to that all through life....with NOTHING INSIDE...i would like to kick his parents in the shins!

‹ Help, I need some clarity and advice I am pissed..................................................................................................................... ›
onwithmylife's picture

For me

May 23, 2012 - 7:41pm — onwithmylife

when i saw him last fall after not seeing him for 3 years when he tok off and dumped me, moved to another state, i called his name in the store and he looked around and there was a huge vacant look in his eyes and zero expression on his face, most people would have some expression on seeing someone they knew for 15 years but him, nothing, I then realized he is empty inside, no one is home..sad and I too blame his mother, he was never loved unconditionally even though his mother smothered and doted on him, it is not he same, she must have said a lot'you disppoint me" as he said that to me a lot, translation, he disappoints HIMSELF.........

Rising Dawn's picture

Bizarre...

May 23, 2012 - 9:43pm — Rising Dawn

Wow, that's crazy. I have only been NC for a month, so I can't imagine running into him. I don't know what I'd do. I think I might panic and freeze. That would probably be the best case scenario. I rather do that or get away from him then to fall into his web of lies again. Worst yet, if I see him with another woman, I'd probably lose it. Hopefully I'd just walk away and pretend I don't know him.

I just hope I don't run into him any time soon, and if I do, I hope have the strength to act as if he is nothing to me, just as I was nothing to him.

uncomfortablynumb's picture

I had similar a few months

May 23, 2012 - 8:03pm — uncomfortablynumb

I had similar a few months after D&D...if i go a few months without seeing somebody, and I suddenly see them, I KNOW who they are...I saw some friends of the Narc, so I expected I may bump into him...when I turned around to suddenly be in direct eye contact with him, it STILL took me a few seconds to recognise him...the guy I had just been sleeping with for like 9 months!!!

I could not recognise him staring right into his eyes...I thought there must be something wrong with my memory, but no...i remember everybody else in my life...it got me thinking he really might be either nobody, or a blizzard of different ppl.