Sorry to ask again...I need support

Hi again. I am on an emotional roller coaster since narc smear campaign at my job. I want to contact him. I don't like being at odds with him. I don't like him having the last word. He is giving me ST and he won't contact me. I want him to know I thinking of him. I am PMSing . I get very emotional and impulsive at tis time. I know NC is the way to go. He really broke my self esteem saying people at work say awful things about me and I am a joke at work, even did a ha ha ha, said I will never have him no matter what. And I know it is the best thing, but he did get to me with what he said and it hard to hold my head up high at work. And I in high profile position. I am intimidated by his words. He has done ST to me before for 7 months and it was unbearable for me. I think of what I went through those months and it nearly ruined me. He smear campaigning me because he was so nasty to me one day and I called him a narc. He obviously showed his rage. Any supportive or tough love words would be appreciated to knock some sense into me. Thank you.