I have come out of this stage and it is a stage; one where you constantly analyse all the signals around you and you are conscious that you're being a little bit too paranoid but.... it passes.

It passes when those who do care about you keep on showing you that you're amazing and when enough life has passed for you to be able to put the past into some form of perspective so that you can reflect from a distance.

I went on a few odd dates and I felt nothing and they were not a disaster but definitely non-starters. My heart wasn't in it and I had no idea of where to put my boundaries down nor what to want, mostly because I was still rediscovering myself after three years of ridiculous drama with a narc.

It sounds to me as if you are going through the motions but your heart isn't really in it yet. Men will pick up on this. You're attempting to be perfect and that can be scary for normal men.

Just wait. On the day when you have had to get out of bed at 6am on a weekend and had to rush to a store to buy coffee with your hair all over the place and the wrong shoes on is the day you'll bump into Mr Yummy. You won't have been expecting it and neither will he. Or you'll have got your skirt stuck in your knickers or your car will have got a flat tyre and some man has to fix it for you.

Don't do online dating. It's full of geeks and psychopaths. Start an evening course in something you enjoy or join a group like a hiking group or rock choir maybe? You'll then make new friends at your pace; you can pick and choose your way through new people who you feel comfortable with and then you'll bump into Mr Yummy.

Who will also be Mr Genuine, Mr Patient and Mr Respectful if you're done your Path Forward homework.

This needs to be about you and it needs to stay about you. Keep up the great work on building your self esteem back up. You are running a self feedback tape on loop at the moment as you gauge others' reactions to you. This is normal when you've been with a narc who has made you question every last little facet of your completely normal and lovely personality. Remember it was all nonsense and that people aren't as fussy about you as you perceive them to be. I bet most people would not say what you think about yourself.

I think this is one of the biggest hurdles in overcoming narcissistic abuse; the return to Self and the ability to enjoy the luxury of Self without hindrance and abuse. It feels raw and odd doesn't it? But you'll be filling that lovely big space called Yourself before you know it.

Keep going.

xxx

PTSD. low self esteem. Anxiety. becoming a walking SHELL of the person you used to be. Social anxiety. Labeling new people...

All of these things are the aftermath of dating a sociopath freak. seek counseling. take time for yourself. Let your true support system know how much you appreciate them. Own your feelings (no apologies). And give yourself some credit for what you've overcome...

We might not ever be the same naive, innocent people we once were, but we can certainly appreciate the beauty in life and not take it for granted like most. good luck to you. stay strong xoxo

There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to give it time. We all lose a bit of our former selves when narced but it will come back eventually.

Forget the dating and try less hard. Things will take their course naturally...

Love and good vibes to you x