Help...I want to break NC...only been 3 days....

Help...I want to break NC...only been 3 days....
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I am so pathetic it seems (he called me that once)...I called him Marc he showed his rage by coming to my job (his ex employer) and started smear campaign. Of course he told me coworkers think I a joke and talk bad about me , blah blah....I wish I was a quick comeback type of person by I wish I could have responded to him that they think I a joke for associating with him, which is true, prior to him I had a squeaky clean reputation at work. I blocked his texts, emails, etc...but The idea that I will never be in touch with him again hurts ....why?...he was nasty to me...why can't I let go of this illusion of him being the best lover and husband and dad if we were to be married and that we would have had so much fun together. Why would I want to subject myself to the walking on egg shells, not knowing if I said the wrong thing and being treated like dirt? It's raining here today, I had my nieces confirmation and I was listening in church and thought how horrible to be at odds with narc and that made me want to reach out and say lets bury the hatchet, let's agree to disagree and call it a day...but I know I can't contact him...it hurts bad, I wish I could stay angry.

abreva's picture

Things to Do -- be proactive in your resolve for NC.

1) Make a list of all the horrible, nasty things he has done, said or threatened. Refer to this list when you forget. (I often forget. I want to make the horrible 'not real'.)

2) If you want to make contact. Don't. Write it down, or say it out loud to yourself in private, or write what you want to say here. Tell yourself that you will wait one full week before you even consider sending it, or saying it to him. My bet is that you won't want to make contact after the waiting period. (I used the one week rule often, and it made what seemed so urgent and important fade into: clearly I don't need to send or say this. It took the pressure off.)

Deidre99's picture

We've all been there. I

We've all been there. I remember!

The reason we can't call them up and say 'let's bury the hatchet,'' is because the relationship really was nothing more than a game of control for them.

To you, it was a relationship. You kept trying to make it so, anyways. But, he always viewed it as a game of power and control.

So, to call him...text him...it sends the message...''ah, minnieme wants to get back in the game alright!''

And then the psycho nonsense begins again.

I know you know this, but when we are torn, like you're feeling, it's helpful to know...you can't reason with the disordered. They can't be cured with kindness. They don't want to be kind back. They wish harm on us. They view us as targets and opportunities.

There are situations, where people don't talk to each other after say a fight or something. And if the two people are mutually respectful otherwise, and healthy minded, 'burying the hatchet' can be possible, in time.

Not with the disordered.

And that's why breaking NC hurts so bad. Because you are hoping for a different outcome, with a person incapable of change.

herlatestvictim's picture

stay strong

If you contact him, he will only make you feel worse.

You are breaking an addiction. White knuckle it, but hold on and don't contact him.

You are finally in control of the situation. By refusing contact, you win.

Hang in there.

NoMoreFreakBoy's picture

Oops

I meant to say I called him a narc, not Marc!