Please Help

Please Help
Posted May 20, 2012 - 10:10pm
0

Brief history...I was with him for 2 years. We shared my home up north & the house I picked out for us down south. B 4 XMas last year, he left but I had to stay behind for business reasons. My mom was flying down w/me to spend 2 weeks then going home & XBF & I would stay till April. I noticed a few weeks after he left that his calls became infrequent & he seemed cold & snarky. A week b 4 I was to fly down, I straight up asked him if he was seeing someone else. Said he was dating online. Wow. According to him I was dragging my feet about coming, I didn't like the same TV shows, cooked too late at night etc etc. Actually told me I could still come down. I hung up on him & went NC and have been for 4 months.

Thru a 3rd party e mail I asked for my clothes back & he did send them. But there are many other things that I want back. He came up north this week & left me a vm (my block expired)saying he wanted the rest of his things & if I didn't call him, he was coming to the house. I texted him to bring my stuff also.

I had NO IDEA that seeing him would trigger so much emotion. I have been weeping & moaning for the last 4 days. He says he will return my things but we all know the end of that story.

He looks like shit. I look stellar if I must say so myself! LOL! I was doing SO well. Doing the work, putting things in perspective, facing the truth & excited to start my life over. Now this. AND, I was at a private function today & met 2 guys who know him. I hadn't met them b 4. They knew all about me & my business through the XNBF. They were shocked that we broke up. He told them all about me and told them he was excited to start a new life together. They said he's not living w/anyone or even seeing anyone else. But he goes on internet dating every day.

This hurts me more than I was hurt when we split. Now I'm questioning myself....what is wrong with ME . What went wrong in the r/s. Why is he not with someone else. This damn ego of mine is getting in my way. It sounds as though he might miss me, but the working part of my brain says bullshit. He would be trying to contact me & reconcile. Which he isn't.

I was doing SO well until 4 days ago. My mind knows that he is disordered, but my heart is just aching. I just don't know how to move past this & get back to being excited about my future.

‹ Letting Go.... Phone call ›
Brit's picture

Only what I think

May 21, 2012 - 10:58am — Brit

Shock and awesome, My ex and I drove passed each other at the weekend. I had to drive straight home as I was trembling so much. I could hardly breathe. I don't know why I was this stupid. Thinking about it I have likened my abuse to a long drawn out shark feast, and can only assume that having escaped with my life, I am now petrified to see the same shark in close proximity. Does this make sense to you?

You have had to dance a few more steps with the devil, you are bound to be in a spin.

Brit x

shock and awe.some's picture

Gosh Brit, I'm sorry

May 21, 2012 - 11:10am — shock and awe.some (not verified)

I held it together when I was talking with him but then the anger started when I thought of all the things that I should have gotten off my chest. Fortunately I will probably never see him again. I have great sympathy for you & the others who see the X's around town or sharing kids. I imagine your wounds take a lot longer to heal than mine. I was able to get my own closure this morn when I texted him to say that my belongings would not have gone with him if he had been honest with me. Then I blocked him again. I am looking at this as a temporary set back. How are you doing in your recovery?

Brit's picture

shock/awesome

May 21, 2012 - 11:57am — Brit

I am so pleased you are looking good and back to feeling good again after this set back. Never in a million years did we expect to be here did we? I am doing ok (thank you for asking). :)

Of course the usual ups and downs, round and rounds with anger, sadness, hatred and all of it !! I think Ive turned a corner, something about the payback being absolutely worthless. New & confusing for me still, but getting it slowly.

I may have caught tourettes syndrome, though, LOL. I have been saying swear words that I never even knew I knew !!

love to you. Brit x

Used's picture

shock and awesome

May 21, 2012 - 10:12am — Used

I understand why seeing him has sent you into a TIZZ,but you looked GOOD HE DIDNT....
What I dont understand how you could have listened to these pair of idiots.....You say you dont believe he has been with anyone one else.....
WHY DO YOU THINK HE IS ON DATING SITE, YES I KNOW THEY/YOU SAY INTERNET....DATING SITES IS WHAT HE WILL BE ON...
HE HAS COACHED THEY TWO AND MEN WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER......

shock and awe.some's picture

I think u r right

May 21, 2012 - 10:55am — shock and awe.some (not verified)

men stick together. But they didn't know he was back 7 hadn't spoken to him since last year. I don't want to go into this tunnel again. The facts are that he does not want me anymore. My ego is saying OUCH. I guess it's back to the work. I started reading Your Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer.

Deidre99's picture

I sometimes imagine NC to be

May 21, 2012 - 9:56am — Deidre99

I sometimes imagine NC to be like a room that's a complete mess, and we walk in, and slowly start straightening it up. Day by day...the room starts to look a bit more organized. Then, months go by, and the room sparkles...and is even better than the room it was before it became all messed up.

Imagine breaking NC to be walking into the room you spent months trying to clean up...and throwing clothes everywhere. Spray painting the walls. Messing up the bed. Throwing crap all over the floor.

That's what breaking NC does.

And then, we stand there, and forget about how beautiful the room looked before we did that.

You were sparkling, before breaking NC. Remember how good that felt.

He won't ever change. He looks like shit, because he lives his life treating others badly. That catches up to people...even narcs. They are human. Lacking empathy, can't be healthy, before long.

Just start over again, cleaning up that messy room. You'll be sparkling again, in no time! But, I'd change my phone number to be sure he can't resurrect again. Good luck. :)

shock and awe.some's picture

Thank you

May 21, 2012 - 10:59am — shock and awe.some (not verified)

You always give me food for thought. This is a wonderful analogy. I had to have my own sort of closure. I simply texted him that if he had been honest with me & not strung me along for months b 4 he left, none of my things would have gone down with him. then I blocked his number again.

Sparrow's picture

Why are you believing the

May 21, 2012 - 5:49am — Sparrow

Why are you believing the words of these two men, whom you have never met, that knows your N? Hmmm. Food for thought.

Besides, whether he is with someone or not is irrelevant. What is important is what he did to you. You DO NOT want to continue this cycle.

Keep on keeping on. And start NC over again. You will be fine.

Stay strong!

shock and awe.some's picture

My head says that you're right Sparrow.

May 21, 2012 - 11:03am — shock and awe.some (not verified)

My heart needs to come along side me. More self love, more understanding. I've not seen myself as a victim because I entered into this r/s with doubts. I need to trust the still small voice of God within me again. People who have to see their X's b/c of kids or such, really have my admiration. I don't know how Abreva & some other do it. Thx for the boost.

Hunter's picture

Pull yourself together and

May 20, 2012 - 10:18pm — Hunter

Pull yourself together and remember what this is all about..

Contact = pain. EVERY TIME!!

Hunter

shock and awe.some's picture

Damn! I know

May 20, 2012 - 10:40pm — shock and awe.some (not verified)

but it's like a magnet pulling my heart back in. I truly thought I had reconciled my heart to this. Contact could not be avoided.oh who am I bullshittin?

Hunter's picture

I used to snoop all the

May 21, 2012 - 7:58am — Hunter

I used to snoop all the time..

I ask myself what's the point?.The answer there is none..

I sure he has blown thru several more woman since I left..Oh well..

Hunter

shock and awe.some's picture

yes

May 21, 2012 - 11:15am — shock and awe.some (not verified)

I'm glad u shared the snooping with me. I see you as a strong woman & to know that you succumbed to this lets me forgive myself for doing it. I deleted my dating profile, blocked his #, and I won't talk about him anymore except in therapy.

Hunter's picture

Oh.. I've done it all

May 21, 2012 - 11:36am — Hunter

Oh.. I've done it all snooping , begging, texting like a loone..CD..

You name it I did .. But in my defense .. I didn't understand what he was ..

The DOG WHISPERER IS A PSYCHOPATH ..I'm positive.,

So ...with that knowledge .. Why would I want anything g to do with him?? Yuck!!

Hunter