Antonia's Story - ex husband

Target of what I think is sociopathic behaviour

Hi All,

I haven't been on here in a long time - I found your site after a disastrous relationship ended over 3 years ago with what I believe was a narcisisst - I needed a bit of support in understanding and luckily I found it - I am totally healed of that relationship now, it's well and truly behind me.

Where I need some guidance is dealing with my ex-husband - we seperated nearly 10 years ago. I left him because he thrived on drama,conflict, arguments with co-workers / managers, road rage incidents and escalating bizarre behavious - I wasn't at that point the target tho. This was never ending and I wanted a more peaceful life for myself and our three children, who where then 8 years, 5 years and 2 years and I initiated a seperation which ultimately led to divorce after he went completely beserk, with me needing police protection orders, legal teams, custody battles - the full works. My ex-husband has always had contact time with the children as I think it is important they have a relationship with their dad.

What has occurred since then has been actually worse conflict and drama - now I am the target. My oldest son has intellectual and physical disabilities, all mild however now that he has turned 18, it's not like with other children who have no disabilities and your job of having a dependant child under 18 that responsibility ends. Over the past two years alone, below are some of the things I have had to tackle:

1. 3 seperate Govt reviews over my son's disability support pension - (escalated to the next level each time he lost) initiated by my ex hubby. Took 18 months to finalise all three - very stressful).
2. 3rd Full custody battle for our three children - as he wanted 98% custody (The outcome: he actually lost time- took over 12 months to finalise - very expensive).
3. Child Support Reviews - I pay the child support as I remained in the work force, he has only just recently started working, he wanted more money. (he lost that one too).
4. Broke into my home twice - once damaging my computer, 2nd time stealing papers I had brought home for our court case - which I wanted to re-read prior to being x-examined in court).
5. Bringing two police protection orders against me - false allegations both times. (I defended the first one, went to court, he didn't show I had it struck out, the next one is this week, I'm not going to court, I'm just tired of it all).
6. Constant abuse and harassment via text message - I barely read the texts.
7. Had my household utilities cut off. His sister rang stating to be me, I had them re-instated, now everything is password protected.
8. The very day I got home from our most recent custody thing two months ago, I found a letter for his application to be our son's guardian. Had to go up for a tribunal hearing, where a full investigation is pending. This involves my sons disability pension and who can make medical and important decisions for him. (Note: I'm willing for this govt dept to have control over the money, not life decisions - this will hopefully minimise the conflict).
9. Got home Friday to find that I have sent a letter to the govt agency handling my sons disability pension, stating I no longer wanted to be involved. (I never did this). I'll take that one on tomorrow morning when they open.

These are the things off the top of my head quickly. It is relentless and never ending. I have three wonderful kids, who have been thru a lot, I have tried my best to keep them out of most of the drama's. He cut off contact with my son last year after my son asked for less time with his father in court, now the guardianship issue has been raised by him, he is now father of the year, seeing our son and manipulating kim to keep secrets and act out against me. If I pull my son up on naughty behaviour, he threatens me that he and dad will go to the police about me. I told my son only the other day if he wants to spend a little more time with his dad, like a month, that is fine with me, then after that time we see. I'm not getting into a tug of war.

OK, this is a small snap shot of my life, I work full time in a full on demanding job, it pays me well, which I need as my two younger children go to private schools as I want them to have the best education I can afford (no financial help from him, not even a school jumper).

I am seeing a counsellor as I need tools to help dealing with this. I apply no communication 95% of the time, however sometimes this is impossible with children. I know any reaction from me feeds him and I do everything in my power to not let him enjoy this.

I have been single since the other relationship failed, I have too much in my life to bring someone else into it. My ex-hubby has a girlfriend of three years, I call her 'Doormat' privately - as he keeps finding these weak women. She even submitted affadavits to the courts, completely false, but I guess that is what weak women do to keep their man happy - who knows.

I crave peace and a drama free life, I'm not sure my counsellor has the tools to really give me helpful ideas as perhaps being a sociopaths rage and revenge where I live is not that common, hoping one of you has gone thru this and out the other side maybe. I'm generally an upbeat, happy, love a giggle, glass of wine and good chat with my girlfriends type of gal..

Any suggestions?

PS sorry for the long post..