Very pleased to have found this forum!
I have been seeing my N since Christmas last year. All very stereotypical - couldn't get enough of me, I was beautiful, I was fun to be with etc etc, until I said something he didn't like and the arguments kicked off.
I am now at the point where I think I'm going to have to call it off with him. As I'm sure you will all be able to sympathise with, I'm petrified of losing him and, in my codependant way, petrified of being on my own.
I came to this conclusion on Wednesday night, while I waited at home for him. He had suggested we go to my house, get a couple of beers and some food and just chill out. On my way home I got a call saying he was stopping into the pub after work for a couple but then would be on his way to me - I didn't mind as it gave me a chance to tidy up etc.
He then proceeded to get off his face on drugs and sack me off. A couple of hours later I went to meet a friend for a drink - I was angry and upset and needed to get out of the house. He turned up at this pub an hour or so later, absolutely off his face but full of charm and apologies, saying I was his girl, cuddling me and paying me the sort of attention I have craved from him.
Of course, I bought it.
I saw him last night - we were both tired and hungover so had a relatively quiet night. I stupidly thought things were better until this morning, when he shouted at me for taking too long with the hairdryer, called me a c**t and told me to f**k off.
Obviously this isn't an isolated incident. He has done this many times - when I wouldn't lend him money, when I wouldn't buy him drugs, when I have 'had an attitude', when I've given him a funny look, when I've given someone else a funny look, when I've been jealous, when I've not been jealous.
He is breaking me, both mentally and financially, and I need to shake myself out of this and leave him. I have always been strong and independent, and he is turning me into some meek little wife. He has taken my confidence from me and I'm scared I'll never get it back.
I’m sure he is cheating on me, and he has no qualms about openly ogling women and chatting them up in front of me, and then blaming me when I get jealous.
As I'm sure most of you were like with your N’s, I do love him. He is the most interesting, clever person I’ve ever met and I’ve never been more physically attracted to someone. But I can’t put myself through this any more.
Phew, that was quite a rant. Thanks for listening everyone, hope to get to know you all a little bit more xx