This is too much! I am so angry and pissed off I f$&@ing hate this disorder, I hate that I fell victim to it!
I have spent the last three days with terrible anxiety and panic attacks, feeling really on edge..
My girlfriend comes over tonight I spent 2hours balling my eyes out!
Then she let's it slip that she saw my exN husband at the gym the other night, with the OW!
This women is his co worker who my husband cheated on me with before he left, who he claimed he had no interest in, was not physically attracted to, promised me he had no intention of being with, didn't want her like that, in fact being with her made him realize that the attraction of the eyes is fickle and that our attraction to each other and our love is deeper and so much more! ( his words)
He said he was moving out because he wanted to be alone, didn't want a relationship and wanted to sort himself out!
It's been 3.5 months since he lef our marriage and as she has now joined up at his gym which is just near his house, I can only assume that she has moved in with him... ( which explains why I have not heard from him all this time)
The reason I blocked him from face book and deleted mutual friends was so I would NEVER have to hear about or know who he was with or living with etc!
I'm angry at my friend that she would tell me this, hearing this sets me back so much, it triggers me in every way.
It makes me want to contact him and tell him he is a lying sack of shit and I fucking hate him!
It makes me feel even more betrayed that I was friends with this women his NS and that we spoke after she had been with him ( I didn't know then) and she was telling how lucky I was to have found my soul mate and that he loves me so much and that we have the perfect relationship!
All the while she was messing around with my husband... Wtf who does that!!!
It's hard enough trying to get my head around the fact that I fell in love with a man that never existed, that our marriage was a fucking illusion and one big lie..
Now I have to deal with the fact he is living with her, all the lies and betrayal from both of them, I was played big time!
I'm furious and every part of me wants to contact her as well and tell her what I think as well!
Why the hell am I surprised, I have read so much on this disorder! I know it's textbook behaviour for them to move on, move in with NS this soon after leaving there relationship!
Why did I think I was the exception! Why did i believe that mine would be any different!
I have read it over and over in nearly everyone's post, yet i still believed that he was living alone, maybe just had someone on the side every now and then!
I feel like I am so unworthily so replaceable so the opposite of how he made me feel in the beginning.
I feel sick to my stomach that he is living the honeymoon period with her so soon after leaving our marriage!
I feel like a used piece of trash, I didn't need to hear this information, I'm struggling so hard ATM, I just feel like its all too much and I'm finding hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I'm trying to see a positive in this, something that I can use to strengthen myself and say fuck u, I will not let you break me! But I'm gutted! I know how it will end with them, I know he will d&d her sooner or later, but how do I get through this... How do I keep strong when I feel like I'm crumbling!