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shocked that he HOOVERED
luvapug
Member since:
1 year 8 weeks
1 year 8 weeks
Last activity:
1 year 3 days
1 year 3 days
shocked that he HOOVERED
Posted May 16, 2012 - 7:14pm
Okay, as you may or may not recall, my ex fiance moved out of our house to "figure things out about" himself...within a day of him leaving he was totally cold and complacent. I still texted back and forth and it was SO hurtful because he not only blamed me for his unhappiness, but also was "sooooo happy, a weight lifted"...which burned to the depths of me!!! Well after a horrible text he sent me that was both childish and uncalled for over a FB post, I sent him a text telling him I will move on knowing we had a good 2 years, and i was happy, despite his unhappiness and I thank god he never treated me with this hatred when we together, and good luck in his pursuits. Period. He texted a few times about random things, the dog mostly, since he wants him and still has visited him while I was at work. So I have NOT responded or had contact since APRIL 8th and his last text was April 23rd....nothing since...till today
I come home and there was a call for him...no biggie, he never leaves messages right?!? WRONG...he left a message
"Hey luvapug, i know you probably dont want to hear from me, but i got a letter in the mail and Mojo is due for his vaccines, if you could take care of that it would be appreciate, plus if you are looking to give him up, I still would very much like to have him still, so let me know...well, I hope you are doing ok, everything is going ok and well...take care"
WTF?!?!?! Not a single word about how is my son...just the dog??? Plus, he didn't text...his preferred form of contact...
My mind is spinning, this man owes me 2k and he is "informing" me about the dogs vaccines??!?!?! WTF?! He couldn't have texted that? DOES THIS MEAN HE WAS HOOVERING???
He sounded so cold, like not an ounce of love...
I deleted the voicemail!!! that stung a little...gotta admit
-luvapug
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Dog over the kid
May 16, 2012 - 10:21pm — EmmyMine did something very similar. Before we really knew what was going on, we made him leave for a few days. When he was going, he cried for the dog and said mean things to the kids.
He is looking for anything to upset you. Mine has also sent letters to the kids. One with I LOVE YOU all over it and one with nothing like that. Anything to bug us and keep us engaged.
Ick. Yuck. Hate 'em. ((hugs)) - Emmy
The feedback they gave you is right on.
May 16, 2012 - 7:53pm — abrevaIt's so weird the way they insert these mundane "reminders" to get to us.
The EXNH-Psychopath would do this all the time to me over the kids. Over inane things that I am the EXPERT in, and he is the LOSER in.
Just ignore him.
Block the phone.
Don't let him visit the dog.
Not a Word!!!!
May 16, 2012 - 7:46pm — janemarieYour head will spin a bit for a few days maybe...but it will fade....
Do NOT answer him....there is no need to...NONE at all!!!
He wants to stay in your head....DONT let him.....
He should actually be blocked from your phone...blocked from everything...
To have TRUE NC and avoid pain....all forms of contact should be taken care of......
Whatever you do...do not answer him....unless you want to feed his ego.....Dont feed the beast...
xoxo
I am finding the strength
May 16, 2012 - 8:05pm — luvapugI am finding the strength from somewhere to ignore this as well..i deleted the message, almost instinctually...at first i was regretfull...now I am not...I can't do this anymore...he took everything i thought I had and put it down the disposal and he has the balls to say "you probably dont want to hear from me..."
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that people actually dont care to hear from people who ruined their life and their child's life, who took you for granted, hurt you beyond measure and broke every promise ever made...
What hurts the most is I gave him a chance when we first started dating...and he was so ashamed of his past...and now??? he is exactly who he was so ashamed of being and who he was...I wonder how THAT feels??? to become that POS you were and whose behavior made you hang your head in utter shame...wonder what that actually FEELS like!!!
i am so glad I learn and not regress...
-luvapug
Gawd! Idiot! (Think Napolean
May 16, 2012 - 11:00pm — BtrflyGrlGawd! Idiot! (Think Napolean Dynamite)
Exact same story here. I didn't need to question his past because he felt bad enough about it already. He was so ashamed....
But like I told him - his past is not his past at all because he keeps recreating it!
They don't feel. They couldn't. It's just another sob story to get you (us) hooked in further. Losers!
I think that is the way it
May 16, 2012 - 8:34pm — Deidre99I think that is the way it happens, actually. There comes a day when you just can't take it anymore. You don't want to live in narc-ville any longer. You're educated yourself on the disorder, you've done the hard work of introspection and NC...and there comes a point, when you just have enough.
I think you're there!
NC NC NC...
They use dogs, cats, fish, kids, whatever....to keep the door ajar. If you reply enough, he's hoping one day you offer him sex, or some other 'favor.'
They're all the same.
Stay strong, girlie! Glad you deleted.
using animals
May 16, 2012 - 10:41pm — invisiblehaving no children, I view my 2 cats as my babies (i had another that passed) and they just loved hime-which did alot to work his (my narc) way into my heart, It seems as though all animals love him ! Animals are supposed to be better judges of character, how can they fool them ??
Invisible
May 16, 2012 - 10:50pm — BtrflyGrlCertainly he tricks them too. Petting them in their favorite spots, sneaking them treats, subtly manipulating their desire to be loved.
Just Kidding.
I'm a pet parent too and my pets didn't like ExN. In fact, his pets didn't even like him much.
But there was a time when he would use my little dog to manipulate me and make it look like he was so concerned and caring for him (he's a sickly little guy). That helped him weasle his way into my heart. Once he was in he would say things like "I have to keep your dog alive, I know how much it would devastate you if something happened to him"
Seriously? WTF? Is that a veiled threat? Was he saying that if HE wasn't the one cooking the dogs food the dog would have no chance? Suggesting that I need HIM around because I can't take care of my own dog? IDK - Head games.
I hope to be further away
May 16, 2012 - 9:19pm — luvapugI hope to be further away than I was a month asgao...and even further a month from now...
But as strong as I try to be...there are moments when I realize that "we" are no longer and I am simply a memory...the person I loved with all of my soul...and I mean NOTHING...
So where is this changed and pleading man I hoped to see or hear from weeks ago??? Nowhere...he doesn't exist..I don't either for that matter...at least to him...
This hopeless feeling is growing inside me, where I fear I will never recover from to even open myself up for something real...because IT FELT REAL WITH HIM!!! How can I recognize anything different...when I thought I knew what I felt?!?!?
-luvapug
luvapig...
May 16, 2012 - 10:24pm — EmmyIt felt real to me for YEARS. Real to my kids. Real to our families. I would love to see you start a new thread on this question. So sad. My best ((hugs)), sweetie. - Emmy
start a thread Emmy! For all
May 16, 2012 - 10:32pm — luvapugstart a thread Emmy! For all of us who felt things were real...and where and how it went...i dont know how much strngth I have anymore...after three N's, I am exhausted! I was very careful not to pick another N after the last two, i thought i had scared this one enough to not take on our relationship if he was not true to his convictions...he was absolutely head over heels for me...it felt so very real and that plays over and over :(
There are bad people in this
May 16, 2012 - 9:51pm — Deidre99There are bad people in this life and we got involved with some of them. This occurrence can either keep us stuck or move us forward. Shoot. I am actually thinking of dating again and falling in love. All things will work together for good in faith. It sucks but don't let it become an albatross. This will pass. Hugs!
Sounds like a Hoover to
May 16, 2012 - 7:27pm — BtrflyGrlSounds like a Hoover to me!
He's just trying to get a reaction so he feels he still has some control. He doesn't care about the dogs shots, it's just the only thing he could come up with.
The last I heard from my ExN it was to tell me he left the shopvac (I gave him) so I could easily clean the stove. Do you really thinks he cares about the cleanliness of my stove or my warmth for that matter? Just trying to get a reaction in my opinon.
They are so heartless. I'm sorry loveapug. They really are awful.
xo - BtrflyGrl
maybe he called since I wasnt
May 16, 2012 - 7:57pm — luvapugmaybe he called since I wasnt texting him back...maybe he thought he was blocked...now I hope he thinks he will be blocked at my home phone too!!! It just really shook me, I have wanted to hear his voice for so long, it played over and over again in my head many nights laying i nbed thinking, wishing...but his voice sounded different to me...not good like it used to.
I guess I thought I would feel better hearing his voice, but it only just put me into this depressive, sad, hopeless mood...I do miss him, but I dont, I still have feelings for him, but I dont, I wish things didn't ever change, but also don't....
Do you think he wil do it again if I don't respond?!?! Plus, he owes me money...like 2k, and I havent brought it up because I did not want to talk to him...should I just cut my losses and forget it???
-luvapug
You know...I understand that
May 16, 2012 - 11:25pm — bluegirlYou know...I understand that no contact is important, but $2,000 is an awful lot of money to walk away from. If you have concrete evidence he owes you this money you could get a lawyer or take it to small claims court. If you don't have a signed and witnessed piece of paper but just something showing you gave him $2,000, forget it. He will say it was a gift. For Small Claims there should be absolutely no need to talk to him on the phone. In most states right before court you must meet with a mediator to attempt to settle the case, so there is one instance where you would have contact.