This feeling of "getting it" and having it sink in takes time...baby steps...

When I read Lisas book back in Nov. I did everything it said to do ...all the exercises...and expected to be completely healed by the time I read the last page....That DID NOT happen!!!! I was kidding myself....what it did do was jump start me into recovery mode....

Between Nov. and now...I erased my Narc completely from my life...complete NC(pics, clothing, items anything that reminded me of him), got a therapist, went on then off of anti depressants, and dedicated my time and life to this forum. I cried, got angry, had highs then extreme lows....THIS is the process.....THIS is what it takes....and it does NOT happen overnight!!!!!!!

I finally joined the weekly sessions with Goldie to face everything once again...and Im so glad I did...I was forced to face my emotions and opened up that door again but it needed to be done. I reread Lisas book and it was completely different the second time around 5 months later. I was able to absorb more from it then I did in Nov. because I had time to mend a bit.

Recovery does not happen like a light switch...the light switch moments happen little by little. You must be patient with yourself and with time. If you do it right, the more thorough you are and the longer it takes the better you will be. And then hopefully you will have learned and grown so much that you will never ever be a victim again!!!!!

Dont rush...be patient...stick to NC...and dedicate your life to this right now....This is what it takes!!

Good luck!!
xoxo

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I really think that certain things will randomly trigger me for the rest of my life. I wonder if finding real love with a real man makes that stop.

Fire this woman. What a fucking weirdo to tell u all this. Unprofessional for one thing telling you his business. Two...just plain strange to tell u all that. Plenty of cleaning people out there...she would be out.

When you go NC...you HAVE TO remove any ties to him. People are so eager to share dirt. I am sorry tho. But omit her...because trust me. If she is blabbing to u...she is blabbing to him. Believe it.

I would say ...thanks for your service but I found someone else. And move on like the classy chick you are! You got this. :)

This may seem kind of backwards, but OMG this woman is in for a deadly fall.

The higher up you go, the further the fall. She has no clue.

You do. Don't you remember how much pain you were in when you were unaware and he started to devalue you? How he went from here to there at break neck speed?

What you are doing now is doubting yourself and questioning what you know is the truth.

No matter what happens in his life or hers, it no longer involves you. You are no longer deep in the drama and deceit.

Be glad, truly.

Remember how hard it was to see the truth and escape the fantasy. Never forget because it's the same as turning your back to a tiger. They will eat you alive.

Loser free,
It hasn't been long enough for him to suck the life out of her yet! You are NOT pathetic.. You are LOSER FREE! He is still busy convincing her he is wonderful. My exN bought things for me.. For my daughter.. the whole 5 years we were together.. Means nothing! He can't hide his true colors forever!!

I would have fired the cleaning lady on the spot and told her never to come back. You're a stronger woman than I, LF.

Healing from a Narc experience takes time, a long time, even when we are feeling stronger, the wounds aren't that far below the surface. You lived through a long time of psychological torture and recovery is slow. Someone coming along and rubbing salt in those very wounds gouges them right open again which can be extremely painful, naturally! It doesn't mean you don't get what a loser he is, not at all. You are recovering, someone has just pulled back some of the skin that was growing over, and it hurts like hell. But you WILL continue to heal! Just keep coming here for your emergency first aid!

xo
Ophelia

I hate days like that, you can borrow my shoulder. First thing I would do is get a new maid. Everytime you see her you are just going to think about her intimate knowledge of his life and even have the energy from his home brought into yours. Ewwww.

You can't just erase your whole life with him overnight. I am so angry for your situation right now, I know it is torture. Please try and be kind to yourself. I had a dr. appt. today and took a back route home. Suddenly I realized I was driving by OW's house. I started to panic and thought I was going to see his car, or worse him. I don't even know how I know it was her house...I can't explain it. I started obsessing, thinking he probably was moving in or buying her a ring, or....

Then I had to remind myself that it wasn't about his lying freak ass or her (next victim)anymore. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't. This round, this next phase in our lives is about us. She is not better off. You are! Try and remember that.

Take Care of You.

Hugs - BtrflyGrl