Register and join our discussion in the Message Board
User login
Recent Blogs
New Topics
Who's online
There are currently 33 users and 476 guests online.
He came back tonight.
Member since:
43 years 21 weeks
43 years 21 weeks
Last activity:
43 years 21 weeks
43 years 21 weeks
He came back tonight.
Posted May 16, 2012 - 8:15pm
I am 4 months NC and was using a third party to negotiate the terms of returning each of our things. Since we shared m y house up north & his house down south, there were many belongings. I told him via 3rd party that he could keep the majority of the things that I had at his house. I was very generous. He returned all my clothes a few months ago. I did want 3 items back. One was a memory foam mattress that my mom gave me....brand new that I took to his place down south for US to use.
I asked him tonite where it was. Since he flew back, he could not bring the 3 things I wanted but also said that my daughter told him that he could have this mattress. Of course this was to be used by US...not HIM & whoever else. I don't know what to do. He has all of his stuff.
No one paid for the mattress, not even my mom, so it's not like I am out any money. I guess it's the principle. Going to magistrate out of state...is any one familiar with this? We are both residents of the same town up here.
I was very calm & matter of fact when dealing with him but now I wished I would have demanded my stuff before he got his. Opinions?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
TU friends
May 17, 2012 - 3:50pm — shock and awe.some (not verified)I understand what yunz are saying. Yes these things can be replaced. I guess I am pissed that I was generous and he is being stingy. I do need to let it go. My sons x fiance took a laptop from his house when he was away. She used this as a tool for a few months until he finally went out & bought another.
Things
May 16, 2012 - 10:14pm — phantom adorationare just that, the only value is the value we give them. This is not to dismiss sentimentality or the memmories conjured by looking at objects from our past, those with the most meaning regardless of a monetary value have a much bigger emotional value. Even those can be lost to disaster, fire, storms, theft and accident.
What we fail to realize is we actually never lose the emotionally value as it is deeply ingrained in our heart.
Part of this journey has been accepting the loss of the things I so valued...and realizing the material things have so little value.
We have a great deal property determination to get through and I certainly would like to have certain things but keep it in perspective by knowing if I lost them to him it would no different then any other type of loss.
I have already procured what is important...me.
These three items are slowing you down on the path, let "His Haggerdness" have them.
Let the mattress go. Shut the
May 16, 2012 - 10:01pm — Deidre99Let the mattress go. Shut the door and stay NC. Put this to bed...no pun. :) Let it all go.
I don't think you could pay me enough
May 16, 2012 - 8:51pm — ruby01to take that mattress back!
If the three items that you
May 16, 2012 - 8:30pm — SparrowIf the three items that you speak of are not family heirlooms or do not carry any real sentimental value, give them up. He has no intention of returning them, or he would. He will use these items to manipulate you. Don't allow him to. Cut him loose once and for all, because of those three items, you are still bound to him in some ways.
Besides, the mattress is worthless. If it was returned to me, I would have to douse it in kerosene and put a match to it.
Walk away, and be grateful for the things you have right at this moment. That's the best you can do for yourself.
Stay strong!
I agree with Sparrow
May 16, 2012 - 8:36pm — abreva"He has no intention of returning them, or he would. He will use these items to manipulate you."
Seriously, if he wanted to be a good, decent and reasonable person, you would not need to be posting about it. The EXNH-Psychopath has been trying to play cat and mouse with me about Stuff for nearly 2 years. YES, that's right, TWO YEARS. (I have ignored him entirely except I sent him a list of what I wanted to prove to myself what a bastard he was.) Seriously, it's not hard to settle amicably. It's not hard to return the things that belong to me, that are MINE from before marriage. Seriously. It's easy. You put it in a truck and send it over. Period. But he is playing and punishing.
Write off everything you can, because it won't matter at all in the long term.
I have had some sadness and anger about these issues, but now that time has passed, I really don't want ANYTHING that was from our old life together. Ew. So, let it go.
Yes
May 16, 2012 - 8:41pm — shock and awe.some (not verified)i suppose you both are right. I just want it over & seeing him was difficult. He looked beat & he had those so....sad....e yes. What a bastard.
Sorry You had to see him shock
May 16, 2012 - 9:38pm — BtrflyGrlThat sucks. They are pathetic aren't they? I'll just show up looking beat and disheavled to pretend that this is oh so hard on me. Then I'll use my pathetic appearance to lure some NS in, with all my tales of woe.
I have to agree with the other comments. He is just using those things to keep a grip on you, to keep you "needing" him. Let them go if you can. It reminds me of the manipulative games teenage girls play. I'll just forget my lipstick at his house so I have a "reason" to call. Grow up you prick!